Marriage: You know I hate it!
by Skellagirl
Summary: Beetlejuice and Lydia are forced into marriage, and Beetlejuice is on thin ice with the government, and on top of that he has three unwanted visitors joining him on his honeymoon. But what's the Ghost-with-the-Most supposed to do about it?
1. The Trial

AN: Hopefully you're planning on giving this thing a chance; the summary was pretty crappy. XD This is my second attempt at posting a story before it's finished. I really hope I can finish this one, because I really like it so far. I've got two and a half chapters finished, so hopefully that'll help.

I've rated it T 'cause something in my gut tells me I should. Yep...

Once again, I think BJ and some of the other characters are kind of OOC, so if you notice a problem-area, don't be afraid to point it out. :)

There's no real reason that I gave the mayor a daughter. I dunno, seemed like kind of a fun idea.

**Also, I should note that Lydia's already dead. It's one of the few ways I'll ship BJ/Lydia.**

I own nothing but the story! Not even the Beg and Mercy's Eye-scream company!

------------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 1

The Trial

The spotlight flicked on, revealing a very confused Beetlejuice standing in the middle of the courtroom. Lydia stood nearby, in her own spotlight. She looked around. Beetlejuice turned towards her, shrugging.

"Well, BJ… it was fun while it lasted," she said. He grinned. She looked up towards the judge's podium. Judge Mental glared down at them, quite literally fuming.

"Beetlejuice, this is the last _straw_!" he said loudly. Beetlejuice slumped a little. Lydia fiddled with the chains of her handcuffs. "I have _had_ it with you and your childish _pranks_!"

"Oh, come on, your honor--"

"Silence!" The word echoed off the walls as though defying his wish. Beetlejuice swallowed. Lydia's stomach dropped to her toes. "You have gone _too far_ this time, Beetlejuice! You nearly killed Mayor Maynot and his daughter! And now we're sending our best Neithersoldiers in to try and catch that Sandworm before it can do too much damage!"

Beetlejuice smiled timidly, showing all the bugs in his teeth. "Ahh, we've had Sandworms in the Neitherworld before!"

Judge Mental's eye twitched. "Not pregnant ones! This Sandworm may be laying its eggs in the Neitherworld dump right now, and that would only cause more problems!" Beetlejuice swallowed again, kicking the ground with his heeled boot.

"Heh heh… Oops."

"I hereby sentence you _and_ your little girlfriend to be fed to the Sandworms when this is sorted out!" the Judge yelled. Beetlejuice's blood (If he had any) ran cold.

"Not the Sandworms!" he screamed, running over and cowering behind Lydia. "_Anything _but the Sandworms!"

There was silence as Judge Mental watched Lydia try to comfort her friend. The cogs in his brain began turning quickly, formulating a plan. It was a rotten plan, but there was a slight chance it might work – even if he didn't get to throw Beetlejuice to the Sandworms.

"Perhaps… Perhaps if you… settled down," Judge Mental said, smiling meanly. Beetlejuice perked up.

"What? Settle down?!" he said loudly, causing Lydia to flinch away a little. "You mean… get _married_?!" He put a hand to his throat and acted like he was choking.

"It would be better for everyone if you did so," said the Judge, picking at his rotting fingernails, "You know… get married, have children--"

"Children?!" Beetlejuice shrieked. He fell on the floor and began bawling. Lydia giggled.

"Gee, BJ, you'd get along great with kids, you baby," she said, stepping away from him.

Beetlejuice looked up. In the blink of an eye, he had grabbed her by the front of her shirt. "How can you _say_ that, babes?" he screeched, "How can you take their _side_?"

"Order, order!" Judge Mental yelled. Beetlejuice and Lydia looked up at him. There was a forced 'happy' smile on his face. "Look! You two seem to be very close, why don't you get married?"

"What?" Lydia asked in a dead voice. Her skin drained of any and all colour.

Beetlejuice let out a strange sort of whimper, hanging on her shirt and staring up at the Judge. "Me and Lydia? Married?" he choked.

"No!" Lydia said angrily.

"That or the Sandworms," said the Judge.

"But that's not _fair_!" Lydia complained, while Beetlejuice continued blubbering about being married. "Isn't there anything else we can do? Community service or something?"

"No! I have had as much as I can take of Beetlejuice! It's time he retired from pranks!" said Judge Mental loudly, waving his hands.

"Retired?" Beetlejuice cried, collapsing onto his knees in a pathetic little ball at Lydia's feet. He began bawling into his hands. At this point it was hard to tell if he was faking or not. Lydia guessed it was somewhere in between.

"Oh, come on!" Lydia protested, "Can't you see you're hurting him?" She gave her best 'kicked puppy' look.

"That's the point of punishment," he said, his deadly tone ending the argument once and for all. Lydia swallowed. She grabbed Beetlejuice by the hands and yanked him to his feet. "Beetlejuice, it's up to you: Marriage or the Sandworms."

Beetlejuice sniffed, turning towards Lydia. Her eyes were large and rather intense, almost glowing in the dim room. She gave a tiny nod. He sighed angrily, turning away from her. "Fine!" he snapped, closing his eyes indignantly. "Fine, I'll get married." His voice was tight. There was a loud clack. Beetlejuice opened his eyes and met Lydia's gaze. She smiled a little.

"Alright, then!" said the Judge, "The wedding will take place tomorrow at twelve o' clock noon!"

"Shouldn't there be a rehears--"

"No!"

The spotlights went out.

---------------------------------------------------

The night came and went much too quickly. Lydia didn't sleep at all, instead choosing to confide in Ginger and Jacques while Beetlejuice was off spending his last hours as a bachelor in some kind of nearby bar or something.

Jacques and Ginger weren't exactly _excited_. When Lydia told them she would be getting married, Jacques' jaw fell to the floor (Literally), and the string of silk keeping Ginger suspended snapped.

She spent the whole night on the couch, eating pint after pint of 'Beg and Mercy's Funky Junky Eye-Scream' and trying to keep her mind off the next morning by watching scary movies while talking to her friends.

Eventually Ginger and Jacques went back to their apartments to catch some sleep before the 'big day' and Lydia was left alone with only her movies and eye-scream to keep her company. She didn't really feel like crying. The more she thought about it the less she felt like crying about it. It was more of a hollow disbelief. She continually reminded herself that being married to Beetlejuice wouldn't change their relationship at all. It would just change her last name… and not even that, if she wanted.

The sky was just beginning to lighten when Beetlejuice returned. She had expected him to be completely drunk, but he seemed to be completely sober. There was a hanger on his index finger, but whatever was on the hanger was covered by one of those big white plastic bags. After he'd closed the door they stared at each other.

"I got you something," he said quietly. Somehow, _that_ made her want to cry. She stood up and walked over to him. He lifted the hanger and let go. It stayed suspended in midair, and he rolled up the plastic bag. A large amount of fabric expanded when the bag was taken off, revealing an extremely pretty red wedding dress on the hanger.

She turned towards him. "BJ, I… This is really thoughtful of you," she said, crossing her arms. Her voice was a little higher than usual. He put his hands behind his back and kicked the floor.

"Yeah, well, I figured you needed something pretty for… tomorrow. Something prettier than I could Juice up," he snorted, smiling in spite of his sullen attitude.

She returned her gaze to the dress, gently fingering one of the bright red ruffles. She wiped her eyes. "Nothing's gonna change, BJ," she said, "Just because we're… well… It'll all be the same." She smiled hopefully.

He crossed his arms, staring at the floor as he ground his boot into it. He sighed. "Erm… yeah… Uhm, Lyds?"

"What?"

"I know this is really sappy and all, but I was wondering if you'd do me one little favor…" She stared at him. He looked up at her, smiling sheepishly.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Uhm… I was just hoping you'd… take my last name," he said, looking back down to the floor. He thrust his hands into his pockets, trying to be casual about it. She sighed and walked over to him. She grabbed his tie and straightened it a little, looking up at him. His face was a slight shade of pink. She smiled, a little bit evilly.

"Only if you take a bath."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, that's the end of that! Tell me whatcha think:D

Also, if anyone has an idea for a new name for this story, please tell me. I really don't like its name right now.


	2. The Big, Horrible Day

AN: Well, here's chapter two. Yeah.

I'm pretty much totally in love with Donny, so there's a lot of him in the story. XD I know some people hate him, so... sorry to those people! But he's so much fun to write! I know I didn't make him nearly happy and 'I love everyone so much' enough, but I thought it'd be funny if he could actually feel some emotion, and if there was a LITTLE bit of sibling rivalry between him and BJ. So, yeah.

Also, I had really wanted to write the bath scene from the last chapter, but I couldn't find a place to put it... I might write it as a oneshot, though.

Hope you like this one! I was up till five last night finish the fourth chapter, so I'm feeling really great about this story. XD

I OWN NOTHING.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 2

The Big, Horrible Day

Lydia and Beetlejuice walked through a series of hallways till they found where they were supposed to get ready. They had separate rooms, but Lydia followed Beetlejuice into his.

"Babes, I feel sick," Beetlejuice said, sitting down on a nearby bench. Lydia laughed lightly.

"I'm sure it's just… pre-wedding jitters!" she said in the most optimistic voice she could manage. He spread out his arms.

"Maybe it's the scent of that disgusting strawberry shampoo you made me put in my hair!" he said, shuddering at the memory. She laughed.

There was a knock on the door. "Beetlejuice?"

Lydia turned towards her fiancée. He was staring at the door with a horrified expression on his face. "Today suddenly got a whole lot worse," he moaned.

"BJ, open up! It's Donny, your best-man!" said the voice on the other side of the door. Beetlejuice looked like he was about to burst into tears. Lydia ran over to the door and opened it.

"Uhm… Hi, Donny!" she said.

Donny's smile vanished. "Lydia, what are you doin' here? You should be gettin' ready!" he said, grabbing her shoulders and leading her next door. "I know it's hard bein' away, but the wait'll be over before you know it!" He good-naturedly pushed her into her room and closed the door.

Lydia ran over to the wall and put an ear against it. She was just waiting for a thud as Beetlejuice socked Donny, but there was only silence. She could hear murmurs, but couldn't understand what they were saying. She guessed Beetlejuice was too distraught to do anything harmful to his brother.

She turned around and stared at the majority of the room. Her covered dress hung in the corner of the room, next to a huge, overly luxurious vanity. She sighed and slipped her red webbed cloak up and over her head. There was a knock on the door.

"Lydia, honey? It's me, Ginger! I've been appointed your bridesmaid," she said. Lydia opened the door and Ginger came in. Ginger jumped onto Lydia's head. "Well, honey," she said, "Today's the big day. We'd better get you ready!" Lydia knew she was trying her hardest to sound excited, but it wasn't really working at all. Lydia walked over to the mirror and uncovered her dress. Ginger let out a sigh. "Oh, Lydia, it's beautiful!" she said, drawing out the last word. She was suspended from a web, now, so Lydia could turn her head without worrying about the spider falling off.

Lydia smiled fondly. "Beetlejuice got it. He said that I needed something pretty for today," she said. She turned to Ginger, who looked slightly confused.

"Beetlejuice said that?" she asked, crossing her arms. She looked amused, now. She shook her head. "He is so confusing sometimes…"

Lydia quickly changed into the dress. "I thought it was… well, sweet," she said, turning around to let Ginger zip up the back. She looked in the mirror. She couldn't help but smile a little. The straps were low, showing her shoulders.

"It's even prettier on!" Ginger said in an airy voice, her hand on her face. Lydia sat down on small bench in front of the vanity and let Ginger begin fixing her hair. She couldn't ignore the pleasant little butterflies in her stomach.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Donny fixed his brother's tie again, knowing that it was hopeless. Beetlejuice would just make it crooked again. "Oh, come on, BJ!" he said, slapping Beetlejuice's hand away when he tried to protest, "This is the only time you're gettin' married, so we might as well make you look perfect."

Beetlejuice turned to look in the mirror. He grimaced and grabbed his tie, rumpling it. "Lydia likes my tie like that!" he insisted, "If I _have_ to look perfect, then I at least get my way with the tie."

Donny rolled his eyes. "Fine," he said.

Beetlejuice smiled at himself in the mirror. Donny began combing his hair, much to Beetlejuice's objection. Donny suddenly sniffed. He leaned forward, nearly burying his nose in his brother's hair. "Strawberries?" he asked.

Beetlejuice waved his brother out of his 'personal space'. "Lyds made me take a bath last night," he said, a little bit crossly.

"What could she have possibly done to make you take a _bath_?" Donny asked, wide-eyed.

Beetlejuice crossed his arms. "She agreed to take my last name," he grumbled, hoping Donny wouldn't hear. But Donny was paying too good attention. He patted his brother's shoulder.

"Seems like a fair trade to me," he said joyfully, going back to combing Beetlejuice's hair.

Beetlejuice had a number of insults he ached to spit out, but he kept them to himself. He knew Lydia would disapprove of the best-man being knocked-out just minutes before the wedding, and the day was already horrible enough – he didn't want to add an angry bride.

Donny patted his brother's head. "There. You look good," he said approvingly.

"I'm going to go roll around in mud and sewage after this," Beetlejuice grumbled, eyeing his hair with disgust. He was incredibly thankful it was long, or Donny probably would have styled it like his own.

"You do what you want, BJ," Donny said, sighing. He set the comb on the table and began walking towards the door. He paused with his hand on the knob. "I think it's starting." He opened the door.

Beetlejuice stood up. "Donny, wait," he said. Donny turned. "Are mum and dad out there?" he asked.

Donny rolled his eyes. "Yes, Beetlejuice, of course they are," he said, smirking. He pinched his brother's cheek teasingly. He opened his mouth to say something, but apparently he decided to keep it to himself. He turned and left the room, leaving Beetlejuice alone. As soon as the door had closed, he sat down on the chair with his head in his hands.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lydia was actually astounded by how well Beetlejuice recited his vows, seeing as how there were probably an uncountable amount of other things going on in his mind… Namely how many ways he could kill the man who was wedding them.

She stared down at their clasped hands, listening to Beetlejuice recite his vows in a loud, slightly annoyed voice. Somehow she thought that he secretly liked holding her hand, because his grip was very tight. She sneaked a glance over Beetlejuice's shoulder, to wear Donny stood, bawling loudly into a handkerchief. She fought a smile and watched Beetlejuice.

"You may kiss the bride," said Judge Mental.

There was a long, long moment of silence. It seemed like hours of Lydia and Beetlejuice just staring at each other. Finally, Donny shoved his brother in the back. Beetlejuice unintentionally leaned forward and kissed Lydia on the mouth. She ran with it, slipping her arms around his shoulders.

There was a loud cheer from the crowd. Beetlejuice pulled himself away, setting Lydia on the floor. She smiled sadly and grabbed his hand, pulling him down the aisle towards the doors. Doomie waited for them outside, cans and things tied to his rear end. Lydia giggled as Beetlejuice helped her in, then got in himself.

"Go, Doomie, go!" he said. Doomie honked and drove off.

Lydia's smile vanished. "Doomie, you're going the wrong way!" She turned to Beetlejuice. "BJ, we have to go to the reception! Judge Mental will want us to! Don't jeopardize our lives just because you want to avoid your parents!" she cried. He huffed.

"Fine, fine. Go on, Doomie, that way," he said, turning the wheel. Doomie spun around and went the other way. Beetlejuice crossed his arms, one boot on the dashboard. Lydia had to hold onto her veil to keep it from falling off as Doomie zoomed down the Neitherworld roads. She turned towards him.

"Well, BJ… I guess we're newlyweds now!" she said, raising one little hand. He turned towards her, a pained expression on his face.

"But… but no more pranks, babes!" he cried, leaning his head back. He began to cry melodramatically. "Maybe it would have been better to just get fed to the Sandworms!" he moaned.

Her jaw dropped. "BJ, how can you _say_ that?" she asked, one hand on her heart. "If you had been eaten, what would I have done? It's not like I could go home!" He looked at her. She crawled over to him and grabbed his arm, wrapping it around her shoulders. She snuggled closely to him. "I'm your best friend, Beetlejuice. I would have gone after you." She wrinkled her nose in a wonderfully cute smile. He swallowed as she buried her face into his jacket, her arms around him.

His mind drifted back to what would await him at the reception. The whole time would definitely be made up of embarrassment from his parents and Donny, and threats from Judge Mental. He smirked. Maybe he could get away with spiking the punch, if he was really sneaky about it. Maybe a few other things on top of that. People always played pranks at receptions, didn't they? Judge Mental couldn't throw him to the Sandworms if he was doing what other people have done, right?

He readjusted himself a little without noticing it. Lydia seemed to be incredibly comfy where she was and, though he hated to admit it, he rather liked her right there. He leaned his head back, closing his eyes. _This day'll be over eventually_, he kept telling himself. He just had to remember that. The day would go by so much faster if he just remembered that…

Right?


	3. The Birds and the Beetles

AN: Well, here's chapter three! This chapter was the one that started this story. It was the dinner scene with BJ and his parents that popped into my head while I was in the shower, and I rushed to the computer immediately afterwards to start writing. There's just something I found funny about BJ getting 'The Talk' AGAIN when he's like, thirty-something. I forgot what his parents' names are... so they're just 'mother and father'.

I need to fix some things in chapter four. There's waaaaaaaay too much Donny. XD

Everything belongs to Tim Burton, who is locked in my basement (He just doesn't know it, yet).

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 3

The Birds and the Beetles

--------------------------

Beetlejuice had been wrong.

The day passed so slowly it was painful.

He tried to remind himself that it would be over eventually, but that only seemed to make it worse. He knew that the last event was his and Lydia's speeches, but Judge Mental seemed like he wanted to make the reception last for as long as possible. He probably did. He knew the longer he made it, the more torture Beetlejuice would be put through.

The strange thing about greeting all the guests was that Beetlejuice and Lydia didn't know half of them. There was a great deal of children, much to his annoyance. All of them only screamed and caused a ruckus. All the more reason for him to spike the punch, of course. But that would have to wait a little, till there weren't so many people around the snack bar.

"Ladies and gentleghouls, we are now entering the second half of the reception with a dance from the newlyweds," announced Judge Mental. Beetlejuice's jaw dropped as Lydia pulled him onto the dance-floor.

"Second half? But it's already been four hours!" he said. Lydia sighed.

"It's only been an hour and a half, BJ," she corrected, "Just forget about how horrible it is, and it actually becomes kind of… well… fun!"

He snorted. "Fun?" he asked, "Babes, you've been hanging out with Donny too much. Nothing about this hell-hole could possibly be fun."

She rolled her eyes. "Beetlejuice," she said in a tone that suggested he'd never learn.

He winced as the song they were supposed to be dancing to came on. Some kind of sappy, over-the-top love song. He ground his teeth. "Well, babes," he said, "I don't know about you, but there is no way I'm dancing to _this _crap." He turned around slightly and pointed towards the radio, ignoring Lydia's objection. Before anyone knew what had happened, the record scratched and the song that came back on was a lively tango. Beetlejuice turned back towards her, smirking. She stared at him. "Much better!" he said, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her towards him. She was dragged into dancing with him.

By the end of the song Lydia was sure she'd never be able to wear high-heels again, and wondered how Beetlejuice worked so easily in them. As soon as she could, she sat down and took off her shoes, rubbing her feet. Beetlejuice sat on a chair next to her, watching the other people dance. Somehow Donny appeared in front of them; Beetlejuice hadn't noticed. Lydia looked up.

"Would you like to dance, Lydia?" Donny asked, smiling a bit sheepishly. It took all of Beetlejuice's willpower not to mimic his brother. Lydia glanced between them, then stood up.

"Sure," she said, taking his hand. He led her onto the dance floor. She looked back at Beetlejuice, smiling sadly.

He sighed and crossed his arms, watching them dance. They began talking, and Beetlejuice just ached to know about what. But he remained where he was. He glanced towards the snack bar, noticed that there weren't many people there. He pointed towards it. The punch bubbled a little bit in response to his magic, but soon went back to normal. He smirked and glanced back towards Donny and Lydia. The song ended soon and Lydia nearly ran over, stumbling a little from all the spinning.

"Did you have a nice date?" he teased.

"Except for all the spinning, yes," she said, "I think I like the tango, better."

He began laughing, only to be interrupted by Judge Mental's voice over the loudspeaker. "Ladies and Gentleghouls, anyone who's interested, it's time for the cake to be cut." Beetlejuice and Lydia glanced at each other, then stood up and made their way over to where the cake sat. Everyone gathered around. Beetlejuice rolled his eyes. "This day will be over eventually," he told himself again.

Lydia held a sharp knife over the cake, grabbing Beetlejuice's hand and forcing it on top of hers. "You know some people want pictures," she mumbled.

"Oh, yeah, we have to look perfect for those pictures," he said angrily. Suddenly they were bombarded by flashes of bright lights. Both of them flinched. Lydia shoved the knife into the cake and cut out a small piece. She put it on a plate and held it up a little. Beetlejuice grabbed the whole piece and shoved it into her face, cackling. She gasped.

"Beetlejuice!" she said.

"Come on, babes," he said, "You had to have seen it coming!"

She scoffed, then giggled a little. "You're such a jerk," she said, grabbing a napkin and wiping off her face. He put his arm around her shoulders and hung on her.

"But I'm _your_ jerk!" he teased, grinning hugely.

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, Beetlejuice…"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The dinner table was silent except for the occasional clatter of dinnerware. The only people at the table were Beetlejuice, Lydia, Donny, and the brothers' parents, and anytime his mother or father would ask him something, Beetlejuice would answer it with as little words as possible. He seemed intent on keeping the conversation away from anything embarrassing.

But still, parents have that way.

"So, Junior," said his mother, "are you and Lydia planning on children anytime soon?"

Beetlejuice choked on his cake, hands around his throat.

"I know the Heimlich!" Donny announced, standing up.

"No, it's okay!" Lydia said urgently, slapping Beetlejuice on the back. He coughed and sputtered before grabbing his water and drinking it all in one gulp. He slammed the glass back on the table. Everyone stared at him.

"Muuum!" he groaned loudly, "We just got hitched _today_!"

"Well, yes," said his father, "But it's important to plan ahead."

Beetlejuice glanced at Lydia, hoping she would intervene. "Well, BJ and I… uhm… haaa… We'll talk about it!" she said, nodding. Beetlejuice slammed his head into the table, covering it with his arms.

"Well, junior, your father and I think it's important that you know the… mechanics of these things," said his mother. His father nodded in agreement. Beetlejuice's head shot up.

"No," he said, "No!"

"What?" Lydia asked.

Beetlejuice smiled nervously at his parents. "Come on, mum and dad, there are _books _on these things!"

"Yes, but they're not as in-depth as actually talking," his mother replied.

Lydia felt a sinking sensation in her stomach. She was about to be given 'The Talk'.

Donny stood up, clearing his throat. Beetlejuice pointed at him. "Donny, sit back down!" he screeched, "If I have to go through this torture, so do you!"

Staring at his brother, Donny sat back down.

It goes without saying that the next forty-five minutes were awkward beyond comparison. Beetlejuice spent most of it with his face buried into the table, his arms covering his head, flinching every time certain words came up. Lydia ended up crossing her legs tightly underneath her dress, pretending to be interested in a stray string on her glove. Donny continually squished his fork into his cake until it turned into mush.

When 'The Talk' was over, and the parents had gone, Beetlejuice looked up. He was a bright shade of red. He looked as though he would burst into tears.

"It's even more horrible a second time," Donny said, his voice a million miles away. Beetlejuice assumed this would be the only thing he and his brother would ever agree on.

After mulling it over a little bit, Lydia shrugged. "Come on, it was… it was… interesting…" She covered her face.

"If by interesting you mean disgusting!" Beetlejuice said loudly.

Lydia nodded slightly. Donny pushed his mush-that-used-to-be-cake away from him, downing some water before standing up. He left without saying a word, walking a little stiffly.

Lydia turned towards Beetlejuice, staring at him through her fingers. He returned her stare. After a few seconds they both looked somewhere else. Lydia swallowed. She wondered if she'd ever be able to look at Beetlejuice again. As much as she hated to, she began to ponder the things her parents-in-law had said. It made her feel slightly sick thinking about it again. She turned towards him. "I'm going to go out for a minute," she said. He nodded, banging his head against the table.

She stood up and walked towards the doors. She had just touched one when there was an announcement. "Now we get to hear from the newlyweds!" Her hand clenched into a fist, her eyes widening.

"Oh no…" she whispered. She turned around and squared her shoulders, walking up to the stage. Beetlejuice was beside her in a cloud of smoke. He sighed. "Uhm… you start," she told him.

He opened his mouth, but all that came out was a long, screechy kind of sound. He shut his mouth and loosened his tie before looking at her. "Uhm…" He had apparently remembered something unpleasant from the 'The Talk', because he then passed out.

She watched him. He just lay, motionless, his eyes closed. She kneeled down and grabbed him under the arms, pulling him up. "BJ, wake up," she said. She turned towards the microphone. "Uhm… Well… I…" she sighed and leaned closer to the microphone. She didn't have a clue as to what to say, and everyone staring at her didn't help. She swallowed the lump in her throat. Maybe if she just started talking, something would come to her.

"I… Hey, I'm Lydia," she said, "I'm the bride." She laughed, as did the crowd. "I'm… I'm…" She sighed. She could almost hear the crickets chirping as everyone waited for her to continue speaking. "Uhm… Beetlejuice and I met a long time ago… and… back then if you'd told me I'd be married to him in the future I would have laughed… Uhm…" She closed her eyes against the bright lights. "But I… I have to say that I'm… I'm proud to be his wife," she said, smiling a little, "I really do… love him… And hopefully that love will just grow over time." Her smile grew. She let go of him with one arm and wiped her face. Her mind drifted back to the old adventures they used to have when she was twelve. "I… I know that Beetlejuice has done some nasty things to us all, but… but there's something about him that just… Maybe it's just his personality. He just demands attention, doesn't he?" She laughed.

Beetlejuice squirmed a little. She looked down at him, shaking her arms to try and wake him up. She stood him up, and after a moment he grabbed his head and stood on his own. He opened his eyes and looked at her. She was staring at him.

"Babes, wha'happened…?" he slurred.

"You passed out," she replied.

"Oh… right."

"It's your turn for a heartfelt speech," she said quietly.

He crossed his arms and turned towards the microphone. He glanced between the crowd and Lydia. He took a deep breath. "I'm not great with sappy things like this, but I'll try my best… I remember when I met Lyds," he said, smiling, "She sure was a squirt." He ruffled her hair. "She hasn't really grown physically very much since then, but… uhm… her heart has grown a lot. I think one of the reasons I was attracted to Lydia so much back is because she put up with me. I don't have to change at all, because she likes me just the way I am, beetles and all." She smiled at him. "So… I suppose something really great has come out of this marriage. I'll_ never _have to leave my babes!" He grinned teasingly at her. She giggled. He waved his hand towards the crowd. "Okay, I'm done, you can clap now," he said impatiently.

Everyone did so. Slightly against his will, she hugged him tightly. "Thanks, BJ," she said.

"Anytime, babes, now can we _please_ get out of here?" he asked.

She laughed and stepped away. She grabbed his hand and pulled him off the stage and towards the doors. She shoved them open and led him to Doomie, who was sleeping at the bottom of the stairs. They both hopped in, followed by Jacques and Ginger. Beetlejuice slapped Doomie on the door. "Go, Doomie!" he said, "I don't wanna stick around for 'The Talk' again."

Lydia laughed as Doomie honked and zoomed off.

---------------------------------------------------

I had a hard time writing BJ's speech, but there's something I really love about doing 'serious' scenes with him. They're a challenge. But hopefully they'll stay out of this story!

Once again, please tell me if there are any problem areas and I'll see what I can do about them. :)

-Skellagirl


	4. Honeymooners And Guests

REALLY LONG AN: Well, this is chapter four... I don't have anymore pre-written chapters, so they won't be coming as often.

The more I write this story, the more it bothers me that there's no real plot. The whole thing is basically just a bunch of... talking and stuff. I HATE THAT. I had an idea for a half-plot, but it takes place after the beach. RAWR. -Tears out hair-

This chapter is the 'Deep, Heart-to-Heart Talks' chapter. The scene with Donny and Lydia was inspired by Benny and Joon a little bit, I think. It's not meant to be 'romantic' or anything, and it just kind of ended up writing itself. I really liked the way it turned out so I kept it.

On a side-note... This chapter's really long compared to my other ones. I usually try to keep them three or four pages long, and this one was six pages long!

I got a new name for the story, inspired by a suggestion from faux-prada, so thank you!!

Everything belongs to Tim Burton who, regrettably, escaped my basement. -Angst-

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 4

Honeymooners (And Guests)

-----------------------------------

Lydia pulled off her veil and set it next to her in Doomie. Jacque leaned forward and patted her shoulder.

"Zat was beautiful, Missus Lydia!" he said.

She grinned at him. "Thanks, Jacques," she replied. He sat back. Beetlejuice snapped his fingers. His wedding tux was replaced with his usual black-and-white striped suit. Lydia put her hands on her hips. "What about me?" she asked. He grinned and snapped his fingers. Instantly, her red webbed cloak was on her, her dress in her arms. She folded it and set it on the floor, which was strangely clean. Maybe Doomie cleaned himself.

Jacques and Ginger screamed. Lydia and Beetlejuice turned around. Donny was in between them. Beetlejuice slapped a hand against his forehead.

"Donny, what are you _doing _here?!" he asked crossly.

"You couldn't just leave me there, Beetlejuice!" he said, his eyes pleading. "If mom and dad decided they had forgotten something, I don't think I'd be able to live through it!"

"We're already dead, Donny," Lydia pointed out. Surprisingly, both brothers shook their heads. Donny turned back to Beetlejuice.

"Come on, brother, I don't take up much space!" he said. Lydia watched as the Roadhouse went by. She turned back to Beetlejuice.

"Doomie passed the Roadhouse!" she said.

He nodded. "I know, babes! We're not going to the Roadhouse! I thought we'd go on our honeymoon now!"

She tipped her head. "What? I didn't know you'd want to go on a honeymoon," she said.

"Well, of course I do," he said, leaning towards her and slipping his arm around her shoulders. "Just think! The Neitherworld coast, a beachside hotel, just you and me…"

"And Jacques, Ginger, and Donny!" she said.

Beetlejuice twitched. "Well, yeah, but… They don't take up much space," he said.

"Hey!" Donny cried.

Lydia shook her head. "Just as long as you don't get captured by headhunters again," she said.

He scoffed. "Me? Never!" he said.

She smiled and tossed her hands up in the air. "The beach!" she said, "This is going to be so much fun!"

"You are serious, Be-atlejoose, zat we can join you?" Jacques asked hopefully.

"Sure, sure," Beetlejuice said quietly.

"Even me?" Donny asked. Beetlejuice stared at his brother as though thinking about it.

"Beej…" Lydia said warningly.

Beetlejuice glanced between her and Donny. Finally he sighed. "Fine. But just this once," he said, holding up his index finger.

Donny grinned. "Oh, thank you, Beetlejuice!" he said, ruffling his brother's hair, "You're the best big brother a guy could ask for!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Beetlejuice grumbled, slapping his brother's hand away. "Now don't touch me again."

"Right… sorry… Forgot you don't like me touching your hair," Donny said.

"I don't like you in general, Donny," Beetlejuice replied.

"BJ!" Lydia said indignantly.

"What? It's the truth," he said, "Sometimes the truth hurts."

Jacques, Ginger, and Donny watched as the two fought. Jacques mumbled something in French, a hand on his forehead.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Doomie screeched to a halt and honked loudly. Lydia's eyes shot open. Beetlejuice was leaned on her, snoring. She was twisted uncomfortably, but she assumed she'd been sleeping because she didn't remember any of the trip after they'd finished fighting. It was rather interesting, because the fight had ended on a sour note, and she guessed that Beetlejuice snuggling so closely to her like this was his way of apologizing or something.

She looked around. Everyone in the back was asleep, leaned on top of each other like dominos. She sighed. "Doomie, are we here?" she asked. She heard the coast somewhere in the distance, but she couldn't tell where.

Doomie honked happily.

She leaned her head back and watched Beetlejuice as he continued snoring. She began playing with the hairs on the top of his head. He didn't stir at all. After a moment, she sat up, grabbing him by the shoulders and forcing him to sit up. "Beetlejuice, wake up," she said, "We're here."

He opened his eyes and looked around. "We're here?" he mumbled.

"Doomie says we are," she said.

He leaned back and stretched. She stretched as well, then turned around towards Jacques and the others. She shook them awake. "Guys, wake up, we're here!" she said. They all woke up slowly, mumbling in confusion.

After what seemed like a while of conversation, Beetlejuice led his little troupe to a rather ritzy hotel right by the ocean. Their room was quite high, with a balcony and a pretty view. There was a main bedroom with a large coffin, and a semi-separated second bedroom with two other beds for Jacques and Donny, and Ginger would sleep in a web. There was a kitchen, a dining area, and a bathroom, and it felt more like a small apartment than a hotel room.

"BJ, this is awesome!" Lydia exclaimed as she sat down in the big coffin. She was a bit wary of the lid closing on her, but it didn't. The other four stayed back, looking around.

"Be-atlejoose, can you really afford zis?" Jacques asked.

"'Course I can, bone-head!" Beetlejuice replied, waving his hand.

"But how?" Ginger asked.

"I had some money saved up," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. He walked over to the balcony and surveyed the view, saying nothing more about it. Everyone stared at him. He ignored it.

Lydia stood up, throwing her arms out to the sides. "Well, what should we do first?" she asked, "Go down to the beach and play some volleyball? Build sandcastles? Frisbee?"

"Actually, I'm kinda hungry," Ginger said.

"As am I!" Jacques agreed. They began walking towards the door.

"I'll just… follow them," he mumbled, doing so.

Lydia turned towards Beetlejuice, who was still looking out at the ocean. She didn't like it that he was so quiet; it worried her. "BJ?" she asked, walking over to him. "You alright?" she asked.

"No, not really," he said, floating over and sitting on the banister. "I gotta prank someone, babes! I'll die again if I can't prank _someone_ every once in a while!"

She walked over and joined him on the banister. "That was kind of the point of our forced marriage, wasn't it?" she said.

He groaned angrily. "But I have to! Pranks are like… they're a part of me, babes!" he said, looking at her. She watched him, then licked her lips. She got off the banister and took a few steps back, facing him.

"Alright then," she said. She stood up straight, squaring her shoulders, "Go ahead. Prank me!"

They stared at each other for a few moments. Finally he shook his head, stepping off the banister and walking past her. "It's not fun when you're expecting it!" he said.

She spun around and watched his retreating back. She grinned. "Fine then," she said, "If you won't…" She walked over to him and yanked his pants down to his ankles. "I will!" She began laughing as Beetlejuice tripped and fell to the floor. He twisted around to his back before pulling his pants back up. She laughed louder.

"Babes, that's not the point!" he said, "We're supposed to be making me feel better, not you!"

"_You're_ just a sore loser," she giggled. He wrinkled his nose and stood up.

"Am not," he said.

"Are too," she said.

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"You're just jealous because I don't have any pants to pull down!" she accused.

He snapped his fingers. In a puff of smoke, her usual outfit was replaced with a plain shirt and pair of pants. She slipped her fingers through the belt-loops and stepped back. "Oh, no," she said as he stepped towards her. They circled around each other a few times before Beetlejuice lunged on her, causing them both to topple into the coffin. "No!" She began cackling and kicking at him as he tried to yank her pants down, somehow managing to tease him while doing so.

Suddenly she gasped and stopped fighting. He grabbed her pants and yanked them down to her ankles, snickering. He put his hands on his hips. "Ha!" he said, his smile vanishing at the horrified expression on her face. She was staring past him into the other bedroom. He turned. The other three stood there, frozen, all with food and drink in tow.

Beetlejuice began giggling nervously. He snapped his fingers and Lydia's old red cloak returned. Everyone began talking at once.

"Uhh, this isn't what it looks like."

"Are we interrupting something?"

"Should we leave?"

"We were just…"

There was a long awkward moment of silence before Lydia cleared her throat and stood up. She stepped out of the coffin and looked towards the bathroom. "I'm going to go uhm… take a bath. Yeah."

Beetlejuice was locked in a staring contest with his brother, who looked rather concerned. "You know," Donny began, "you could have put a 'do not disturb' sign on the door."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lydia leaned back in the bathtub, her whole body submerged under the thick white bubbles. She sighed. "He can be so… I don't know… strange sometimes," she said, "He thinks that just because he doesn't get to prank people as often he's going to die _again_ or something." She lifted an arm out of the water and scrubbed it with a sponge. She turned her head. "Has he always been like that?"

Donny thought about it for a moment. He sat huddled on the floor, his arms on his knees, staring at the opposite wall. "Ever since he got into that stuff," he answered. Lydia nodded. "The first time he pranked someone," He whistled, "it stuck with him like glue."

Lydia smiled a little, sitting up and curling into a ball. She traced patterns into the bubbles. "What was it like growing up with Beetlejuice?" she asked.

"Very loud," he answered, smiling fondly. "BJ always loved throwing parties. I'd find him upstairs in his room the next morning with three 'r four girls he'd never even met before." Lydia scoffed. She could have figured as much. "And our mom would always have a fit over the house, and BJ always got in trouble, and then somehow I'd be left cleaning it up!" She leaned against the wall, watching him. "That's probably one of the reasons I like helping people so much," he said, smirking, "BJ always accused me of being such a goody-goody."

She leaned forward, water sloshing against the tub. She put one hand on the rim. "Well, obviously you didn't let him get to you," she said.

"No, I suppose not," he said in a reminiscing tone, "After a while of cleaning up after BJ, helping people became more… rewarding. I liked it more." She smiled. "After highs-ghoul, BJ bought the Roadhouse and then I was left with nothin' to do. So I went out looking for people who needed help." He readjusted himself, sitting cross-legged. He rolled his sleeves up to his elbows. "We lost touch as soon as he moved out. I knew it wasn't hard at all for him to leave; I knew he hated our house. I've always tried to visit him, but I know he doesn't like me. We're too opposite." He smiled at her. She was watching him intently. She sat up straight, the bubbles clinging and covering her bare skin.

"Oh, Donny…" she said quietly, "I don't think BJ hates you as much as he says. But he's got such a reputation to keep up, you know?" She laughed. She dunked her head under the water for a moment, then brought it back up. She wrung out her hair, then crawled over and pulled the plug. Donny stood up and handed her a towel, which she wrapped around herself before stepping out of the tub. "Thanks for talking to me, Donny," she said, "It's nice to _talk_ to someone once-in-a-while, rather than just joke." She smiled meekly. He smiled back at her, then left the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Lydia thought about it for a minute as she pulled the towel off of her and dried her hair, listening to the water drain loudly. She wondered what would happen to Beetlejuice if he couldn't prank anymore, or if he even survived the first week. He'd have to find some kind of outlet for that pent-up energy, and she couldn't imagine him ever being like Donny, no matter how much he cleaned – she would be surprised if she ever got him to take another bath again. She came to the frustrating conclusion that she'd just have to wait and see what happened. It had only been a matter of hours since they'd been married, and now she was thinking about who-knew-how-far into the future?

She slipped on her baggy bat-patterned pajamas and walked out to the main bedroom. The sun was setting, and Beetlejuice was sitting at the dining-table playing Scrabble with Ginger. Confused, Lydia walked over to them and looked at the board.

"Beetlejuice, I don't think you can spell the same word… ten times," Ginger said, counting. Mixed in among other words was the word 'prank' over and over again.

Beetlejuice twitched. "You know, I would think you'd be thankful that I'm even playing this stupid game at all!" he said loudly. He paused and looked up at Lydia, who looked at him. She shrugged and turned around, water flicking from her damp hair and hitting him in the face. He wiped his face, groaning, and stood up.

"I'm going to bed!" he complained, walking over and plopping down into the coffin. He curled up into a small ball and yanked the covers over himself. Everyone watched him. Lydia turned to Ginger, who shrugged. Lydia scoffed.

"Who's up for a scary movie?" she asked. Everyone raised their hand but Beetlejuice, who remained still.

"Me!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lydia stared at the coffin from the dining room chair. Beetlejuice hadn't moved since he'd 'gone to bed', but there had been no snoring, so she knew he hadn't actually fallen asleep. She was the only one awake, now, besides him. The other three had retired soon after the movie, leaving her alone and feeling rather spooked.

She sighed and walked over to the coffin, sitting down behind Beetlejuice, who didn't move. "BJ, I know you're awake," she said, leaning over him to try and look at his face. He shook a little, apparently trying to get her to leave him alone. She rubbed his arm. "Seriously, this suit can't be comfy to sleep in," she said, "you should at least get changed into your pajamas."

He snapped his fingers; his striped suit was replaced with dark pajamas. He went back to not moving. She rolled her eyes. "Is this how you plan on dealing with your problems? Sulking until they magically disappear?" she asked. He didn't answer. "This isn't the Beetlejuice I remember; the Beetlejuice I knew when I was twelve would always find a way to get over his problems, no matter how ridiculous that way was."

"He died when I married you," Beetlejuice grumbled.

She didn't know why, but somehow that hurt her. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out over the lump in her throat. She swallowed. "_Come on_, BJ, I hate this! I want my old buddy back! I want the old Beetlejuice back, not this sulky, boring one!" she said. He didn't reply.

She grabbed the covers and tossed them away, then climbed on top of him. He flipped onto his back. She crossed her arms. "It'll never be like that again, babes," he moaned, "We both know the old BJ's never coming back." He flipped onto his other side. She lay down in front of him, facing him.

"I know you're in there somewhere," she said softly, "I'll find a way to get my old best friend back."

He buried his face into the pillow unhappily. "Was the movie good?" he asked. She sighed. She reached over him and grabbed the covers, yanking them towards her. The one blanket covered them both.

"It was a little too scary," she replied, "I didn't like it as much as I thought I would." He said nothing. He just settled into the bed cozily. She snuggled closer to him, closing her eyes.

She'd find a way. She had to find some way to get her old Beetlejuice back. Because there was no way she'd be married to this pathetic excuse for a prankster. That was just ridiculous.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Well... there you have it. If you think of any kind of plot I could incorporate into this, I would appreciate a suggestion or two, because I'm pretty much floundering right now. XD

Chapter five will be up soon, hopefully!

-Skellagirl


	5. Battle on the High Sands

AN: -Strikes dramatic pose- FINALLY WE HAVE CHAPTER FIVE!

I had a lot of fun writing this one!

You know, I don't know if Donny has the same sort of 'magical powers' as BJ, but nobody ever said he DOESN'T. -Wink wink- So for the sake of the story he can use those sorts of powers. XD

Everything belongs to Tim Burton!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 5

Battle on the High Sands

-----------------------------------------------

"Wake up!" Lydia yelled for what seemed like the hundredth time. Beetlejuice just pushed her away. She grabbed his hand and pulled it towards her, trying to pull him up and out of the bed. "BJ, come on! You're being stupid!" She sat down on top of him and leaned over his face. "Wake up or I'll dump soapy water on your head."

"So?"

"So then you'd be clean!" she said.

"I'm already clean, Lyds," he mumbled. She slapped her forehead.

"Oh, Beetlejuice…" She walked over to the sink, glancing back at him every few seconds. She grabbed a large mixing bowl and filled it with water, mixing in hand-soap. When she was satisfied with her creation, she turned off the faucet and carried the bowl back over to Beetlejuice, holding it over his head. "Okay. I've got the water. If you don't get up by the count of three, I'll dump it on you!"

"Come on, babes," he grumbled, "I know you. You wouldn't do that."

"One…"

"Seriously, I'm not two-years-old anymore. I'm a grown man. I'll sleep in if I want."

"Not on our honeymoon, you lazy bum," she said, "Two…"

"Go ahead, then. _Drench_ me with your _almighty water_. It's not like I'll--"

"Three!" she squealed, turning the bowl over and soaking him in sudsy, lukewarm water. He screamed and sat up, glaring at her. She smiled and patted his head. "Good morning!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Lydia led the others down the beach, looking for a spot to set up their picnic blanket. They settled on a spot near some tide-pools; Lydia wanted to snap some pictures of them after their breakfast. She helped Jacques, Ginger and Donny set up as Beetlejuice stood nearby, watching them, sand covering his feet. His hands were in the pockets of his swim-trunks, and he simply stood there.

She stood up straight and slipped on some sunglasses. She tossed a volley-ball at his head. "Earth-to-Beetlejuice!" she said over the ocean, "You look like you're a million miles away!"

He looked up at her, rubbing the sand off his face. He walked over and sat down on the blanket in between her and Jacques. Their little picnic basket was in the middle of the circle. Lydia opened it and fished out their breakfast.

She tried her best to keep up her happy attitude, and everyone else seemed perfectly content to sit and talk, but Beetlejuice continually glanced around at the other people walking down the beach, grumbling about what he could do to them. She rolled her eyes.

"Anyone up for sandcastles after breakfast?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Lydia laughed. "Wow," she said, "Beej, you made a sand _pirate ship_!"

Beetlejuice rubbed his knuckles against his shirt. "I know," he said, looking up the giant sandy hull.

"You know what we could do in this sand-ship, right?" she asked, turning towards him. He stared at her for a moment, standing awkwardly.

"Erm… yeah, I can figure a few things," he said.

She laughed and grabbed his hand, leading him up the sand-gangplank to the deck. She led him to the bowsprit. Jacques, Ginger, and Donny stared up at them from the ground.

"Bonjour, Be-atlejoose!" Jacques exclaimed, shielding his eyes from the sun as he looked up.

"Ahoooy, landlubbers!" Lydia yelled, laughing.

"Permission to come aboard?" Ginger said.

Lydia looked to Beetlejuice. He put a hand on his chin, then looked down at them.

"No freaking way!" he yelled.

There was a moment of awkward silence before Donny, who was smiling slyly, snapped his fingers. A giant ship, similar to Beetlejuice's, but a little more ornate, erupted from the beach. Lydia's jaw dropped. "Oh, crap," she heard Beetlejuice say. He snapped his fingers. Pirate clothes appeared on everyone. Lydia cheered.

"Yes, a battle on the high… sands!" she exclaimed. The other three ran up the gangplank of the rival ship. "Orders, Beetlejuice?" she asked, turning towards Beetlejuice.

He stood stick-straight like a military commander. A giant bushy beard appeared on his face, braided in several random places. "That's Captain Beetlebeard to you!" he said loudly.

"Yes, captain!" she said in a deep voice, standing up straight. "Orders, captain?"

"Protect the S.S. Beetle!" he said.

"Yes, captain!" she said, saluting before running off towards the starboard side of the ship. Captain Beetlebeard appeared behind the wheel. "Prepare for battle!" he yelled in a ridiculous accent. Lydia laughed before answering. All of the sudden she was surrounded by dozens of Beetlejuices, all a little different in appearance. They all began scrambling across the deck. She saw that on the rival ship there were dozens of Donnys, to equalize the numbers.

She was suddenly thrown backwards onto her rear-end. She stood up quickly and gawked over the side of the ship. They were moving! The ship was actually moving and swaying like a real ship! She shook her head and grabbed a sand cannon-ball. It was remarkably heavy for only being made of sand. She dumped it into the cannon and positioned it, aware of some of the other Beetlejuices on either side of her, preparing their cannons as well.

"Let loose the sails!" Captain Beetlebeard roared. Lydia was suddenly showered with sand. When it had passed, she looked up, amazed. There were sails and ropes and nets above her! All made of sand! "Ready, men!" the captain yelled.

"AYE, CAPTAIN," came the group reply. She watched the rival ship 'sail' into position, opposite their ship.

"FIIIIIRE!!" Captain Beetlebeard screamed.

Lydia pulled on a little string dangling from the cannon. It fired with a deafening explosion. When the cannonball collided with Donny's ship, sand sprayed everywhere. She shielded herself from the momentary explosion before loading up the cannon and firing again. She was about to pull the string when she noticed that Donny's ship seemed to be completely repaired. What had happened?

An explosion of sand caught her attention near the back of the rival ship. She watched it. Shortly after losing that chunk of the ship, more sand from the beach traveled up and repaired it. Her jaw dropped again. This was just too amazing.

"LOOK ALIVE, FIRST MATE LYDIA," she heard the captain call. Without thinking, she pulled the string. Her cannonball sailed over the deck and walloped one of the Donny-clones in the head. He vanished in a puff of smoke. She tipped her head. Was it… first one to lose all their crew-members who won? She found out later that the cannon swiveled on its platform, so she could aim it at a particular spot. Realization hit her hard. It was the first one to lose all their clones who lost!

She began working overdrive, loading cannonballs into her cannon and firing them like a war-lord. She tried not to notice how many Beetlejuices had disappeared. After a while she looked around. There were only three more Beetlejuices left, as opposed to the… maybe ten Donnys on the rivaling ship. She ran up the stairs to Captain Beetlebeard.

"Captain!" she said, "I think it's time we flee! We can get outrun them and then get them from a distance; our cannons are longer-range."

He glanced from her to the rival ship. He turned the wheel violently. She was thrown backwards onto her butt again, as were the remaining clones. One even fell off the ship and vanished when he hit the sand.

"Captain, hurry!" she exclaimed.

"Shoosh, first mate Lydia!" he said, concentrating on turning the ship. Lydia glanced back at the deck worriedly. "Go, fire those cannons! Don't let the cannonballs go to waste!" he commanded.

"Aye, captain!" she said, running two stairs at a time down to the cannons. She loaded it up and fired, successfully hitting two Donnys with one cannonball. She punched the air. "Yes!" she hissed before loading it up again. But their ship had turned too much for her to get a good shot, even with the cannons' swiveling function. She ran to the back of the ship and watched as Donny's ship turned slowly to follow them. She was relieved that the beach was mostly deserted today.

She screamed and ducked just in time; a surprise cannon ball had almost pummeled her in the head. It sailed over her and into the 'water'. "Captain, do we have any cannons back here?" she yelled.

A single cannon appeared beside her in response. She crawled over to it, loading it and aiming it carefully at a clueless Donny clone then firing. It hit him spot on. There were, by now, only five Donnys left, thanks to her and the other Beetlejuices. But that was still more than two, and now one, she observed as an enemy cannonball went high and landed on one of her crewmates.

"Oh, no!" she moaned. She loaded and fired the cannon again. She couldn't tell if she'd hit anyone. "Captain, they're gaining on us!" she announced as another cannon boomed in the near distance. She returned fire. The cannonball just missed her, exploding next to her and hitting the last remaining Beetlejuice. "Oh, no!" Lydia turned back to the cannon, attempting to fire. But the string just slid out of the cannon. She stood up and walked over to Captain Beetlebeard, but her feet were stuck. She looked down. The ship was slowly dissolving from under her, turning into a mushy mixture of sand and water. Captain Beetlebeard turned towards her.

"Well, first mate Lydia," he said, saluting, "You fought ha--" His eyes grew as he caught sight of something behind her. She turned just in time to see a gigantic cannonball shielding the sun like an eclipse. She screamed and was tackled by the captain. There was a huge, loud explosion of sand and water, like some kind of bizarre tidal wave.

Lydia lay on her stomach, her eyes closed. Water washed over her. She pushed herself up and coughed. Captain Beetlebeard lay beside her, motionless.

She slapped her hands against the sides of her head. "Oh, no, captain!" she said. She rolled him over. He coughed, then stuck his tongue out. A little flower appeared in his hand. She laughed. "Beetlejuice!" she said, shoving his shoulder. He smiled before sitting up, his hair damp and tangled with sand. They both laughed.

"Ahoy zere!" came Jacques' voice from a little distance away. They turned their heads to see the other three – no Donny clones – riding a rapidly dissolving crow's nest towards them. It disappeared a few feet from them. Beetlejuice and Lydia stood up.

"You fought hard," said Donny, "We applaud you."

They all clapped. Lydia giggled a little.

"Yeah, well, first mate Lydia is a pretty sharp shooter," Beetlejuice said, ruffling her hair. She laughed.

"Oh, come on, captain," she said, pushing his hand away. "We both know it was your fantastic leadership that… got us out alive." She made a dramatic gesture as she spoke the last part of her sentence.

After a moment of silence, they all began laughing.

--------------------------------------------------------

"Look at that _sunset_, babes!" Beetlejuice said, gesturing towards it. He, Lydia, and the other three all sat on the second-story deck of their sandcastle, watching the sunset from there. They were huddled around a small, warm fire, all on sand-made lawn chairs. Lydia had some food left-over from their morning picnic, so they cooked some of that.

"Since when have you been interested in the sunset, Beej?" she asked teasingly, taking a bite out of her watermelon.

"Since we've had a front-row seat to watch it from," he replied, mimicking her tone of voice.

"Ah, I agree!" said Jacques, "Eet ees magnifique!"

"Yeah, it's sure pretty!" Ginger said.

Lydia looked around. "Hey, has anyone seen the blanket?" she asked. Nobody knew where it was, so Beetlejuice volunteered, pulling Lydia along. He transported them back to the spot where they'd had the picnic, but it wasn't there. She sighed. "I don't remember where I left it," she said, her hands on her hips.

"It's back with the others," Beetlejuice said, thrusting his hands into his pockets. She looked up at him, confused.

"Then why are we out here looking for it?" she asked.

He stepped closer to her. "'Cause I wanted a sec alone with you, Lyds," he said.

She crossed her arms and repositioned herself, putting most of her weight on one leg. "Oh…" she said, "What is it?"

He took another step closer to her, resting his hands on her shoulders. "Uhm… I really… needed that pirate-ship battle." He smiled. "I know I've been a handful lately, and I…" He trailed off for a moment, his mouth open a little. He finally nodded. "Thanks… Lydia," he said, shrugging.

"You're welcome, Beej," she said, grabbing his face. She pulled him down and kissed his cheek, then grabbed his hand and led him into the shallows. She began running back in the general direction of the sandcastle, kicking water at him as she went. With a snap of his fingers he sent a whole wave, a little taller than her, splashing over her. She squealed, wringing out her hands. "Beetlejuice!" she laughed, rubbing her eyes and spitting out the salt-water. She was suddenly squished into a tight hug. She laughed, grabbing his back and leaning to the side till he fell over, splashing into the water. She laughed and opened her eyes, pushing her hair off of her face.

He lifted his head out of the water and spit at her. A long stream of salt-water hit her in the face. She groaned in disgust. "Oh, BJ!" she laughed, climbing off him, "That's gross!"

"Not as gross as liking the sunset," he said, grabbing her ankle as she tried to crawl away. He yanked her over to him and began tickling her. "Seriously, babes, you didn't really think I'd fallen for that girly stuff, did you?"

She was laughing too hard to answer, but she assumed he didn't want an answer, anyway. She tried to crawl away, but he would always manage to grab her ankle and yank her back. Finally he stopped tickling her, but didn't let her go. He kept her pinned to the sand by the shoulders. Every time the tide would come in more water would get in her ears.

His smile weakened a little. Her hands rested on her chest for lack of a better place. She giggled. "You've got seaweed in your hair," she said, lifting her hand to grab it. He lowered towards her, pressing his lips against hers. She squeaked in surprise. She could taste the sea-salt on his lips; it was disgusting. But she didn't really mind so much as she was confused. And she didn't even know what to be confused about.

He pulled himself away, smiling nervously. She stared at him with a bewildered expression. Finally he smirked and splashed a large amount of water at her. She shielded herself and stood up. He was already running away, cackling at her.

"Oh, Beetlejuice!" she yelled, and took off after him.

------------------------------

**Erm, I don't remember what the back/front of the ship is called... Does anybody know?**


	6. Devil's Tail

A/N: Well, here we are. Another chapter. This one's pretty random, I should warn you. XD

You know, I think there will only be a few more chapters to this story (I say that, but there will end up being a lot more. Just watch). I dunno. XD

Nothing much to say… This story is ending up to just be a series of ridiculous misadventures, differing throughout each chapter… or something. XD Oh, well. I've stopped caring that it doesn't have a 'strict' plot. I've got some ideas for some other fics, but I'm really trying to finish this one first. I may start on the others, so progress on this may or may not end up being slow for a while.

I realized something while writing this chapter... I have a thing for shower/bath scenes. Go figure. -Shrugs-

As far as I can remember, Jacques has one French saying in this chapter, and I have no idea if it's right. XD I know next-to-no French, so… yeah, just point it out if it's wrong.

As always, Tim Burton owns everything, including my mind.

------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 6

Devil's Tail

---------------

Lydia arched her back. She could hear the ocean nearby. She stretched hugely and relaxed, realizing her foot was resting on something soft. She sat up and looked around. Beetlejuice was lying beside her, sleeping, and her foot was resting on top of Donny. Jacques was curled up nearby, lying on top of Beetlejuice's feet, and Ginger was in the middle of the circle. She looked around. They were still in their sandcastle, which had eroded somewhat since last night.

She yawned and stood up. When she touched her hair she cringed. It was completely tangled and ratted with salt and sand. She didn't even want to know what it looked like. She walked over to the balcony, which was considerably lower to the ground than the last time she looked. She sighed. From the looks of it, it was about an hour since sunrise. She walked back over to the little bundle of people and began waking them up one-by-one.

The walk back to the hotel was almost completely silent. There were very few people awake yet. It took the group a while to explain, first of all, why they were covered in sand, and second, why they hadn't been at the hotel last night. When they were finally let back into their hotel room, Lydia immediately started the shower. Sand was not a pleasant thing to have in her clothes, and not to mention that her hair would need to be washed several times.

"Lyds!"

She screamed and turned around in the shower, covering herself with her arms and lifting one leg. When she saw who it was she groaned. "Oh, Beetlejuice, you scared me!" she said, "It was like Psycho or something!" Even if she was angry she couldn't stop the bit of laughter from leaking into her words.

He laughed at her. "Hey, I've got a proposition for ya, babes," he said, leaning into the shower, "Let's save water!" And with that he climbed into the shower with her. She stepped back to the opposite side of the shower, terrified more by the fact that he had just _willingly_ got into the shower than the fact that he was naked.

"Beej…" she asked, still trying to cover herself, "You feeling okay? Don't tell me I've got you hooked on being clean."

He crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "Of course not!" he snorted as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, "But I do dislike it that whenever I try to move, sand grinds into my skin. That doesn't feel good."

She giggled a little bit. "Just promise me this is the last shower you're going to take for… a few years," she said.

"Pssh, I can promise that hands down, babes," he said, "This'll be the last shower I'm taking for several _hundred_ years."

"Good," she said quietly. She turned around and stepped back a little, so that her head was in the stream of water. She felt his back against hers. He leaned his head back and got his hair wet. She giggled again as his hair tickled the back of her neck, then turned around. They maneuvered around each other so that Lydia could get the shampoo. She lathered it up and held the bottle out for him. He tossed his hands up.

"No way. No more strawberry-scented hair for me," he said, stepping back. She shook her head and set the bottle down, lathering up her own hair.

"You're hopeless, aren't you?" she asked, smiling widely at him.

"Dead people can't afford to be hopeless, babes," he replied. She decided against saying anything about his little sulking fit. It would probably end in another sulking fit or something stupid like that.

"Scoot," she said, pushing him aside so she could rinse her hair. He watched her.

"So what're we going to do today, babes?" he asked after a moment. She lowered her head and looked at him, pushing her wet hair out of her face. She smiled a little.

"You're asking me?" she asked, laughing, "This is your honeymoon, too, Beej," she said.

He shrugged, grimacing in that trademark 'Beetlejuice' way she loved. "Yeah, well, my brain isn't working right now, and why stop _you_ when you're on a roll?" he said.

She shook her head, stepping forward and knocking his head with her fist a few times. "This marriage has made you bonkers, huh, Beetlejuice?" she asked. He rolled his eyes. She stepped back. "Well, I heard about this hiking path not too far away. We can drive up there and let Doomie get out a little. I'm sure he's so bored all the air has blown from his tires."

"Hiking?" he repeated in a rather surprised tone.

"Yes," she answered, "And maybe camping! We could sleep under the stars."

"We already slept under the stars last night," he pointed out.

"Well, _you_ wanted me to choose what we do today, so I did!" she said, wagging her index finger at him. He said nothing. "Now come here so I can wash your hair!" she said, grabbing his hair and yanking him over to her, armed with the bottle of shampoo. He tried to shove her away, but was very unsuccessful.

In the end, his hair smelled like strawberries once again.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Lydia, how long exactly did you say this trail was?" Ginger asked, walking along in her place between Jacques and Donny.

Lydia looked at her map yet again. "Uhh… According to the map, we _should've _been at the camping area by now. I dunno where we are!" she said.

Beetlejuice hovered over her shoulder, glaring at the map, as well. "Babes, you're holding the map the wrong way!" he said, grabbing it and turning it. Her grip tightened. She laughed nervously.

"Whoops!" she said. She traced their path with her finger. "Well… uhm… Okay, according to this map, now that it's not upside-down, we're on a path called… the Devil's Tail?" She scoffed a little bit. "How original."

Jacques gasped. "Ze Devil's Tail?" he cried. Lydia looked up warily. Her stomach sank. Donny backed away as though some kind of wild animal had just appeared, ready to devour them all.

"Oh no!" he moaned, "I've heard about this trail! It's supposed to be horrible, impassable! The ones who enter are never seen again!"

Lydia rolled her eyes. "You guys are just scared 'cause it has a funny name. I'm sure this trail is fine! Come on!"

"_Non_!" Jacques said, lifting his hand in a 'stop' symbol, "I vote we should turn back _tout de suite_, before we are all separated or something!" He tossed his hands in the air, looking around.

"Yeah, I agree," Ginger said in a quiet, frightened voice. Donny just nodded his agreement.

Beetlejuice waved his hand at them all. "Oh, come on, you're all just being a bunch of babies!" he said, "A real man would keep going and see what's at the end!"

"Zen it ees a good thing I am a skeleton!" Jacques said, puffing out his ribcage and squaring his shoulders.

"And I'm a spider!"

They all looked at Donny, who just stood there shaking.

Beetlejuice stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry at them all. "You guys!" he said in a tone that suggested they were all joking. "Babes, can you _believe_--" He choked and did a double-take. "Babes?!"

But Lydia was gone.

Everyone screamed and began panicking. Jacques clutched his skull and ran around in circles. Ginger jumped around on her eight little legs. Donny pointed to the empty spot and screamed. Beetlejuice grabbed his annoyingly clean hair and tugged it. Suddenly he shoved a finger into his lips and turned towards his alarmed teammates. "Shhhhh!" he ordered. Everyone quieted to whimpers. "Listen!"

Everyone did so. There was not a sound, no inclination of which direction Lydia had gone. Beetlejuice looked around in horror. "Lyds, where'd you go?! Babes!" he screamed, hoping to get a response. There was only silence. "LYDIA!" Again, nothing.

Jacques screamed abruptly. "We are all going to DIIIIIEEE!!" he wailed. Beetlejuice slapped the skeleton hard across the face; his skull popped off, rolled a few feet, and stopped in front of Donny.

"Shut up, bone-head!" he hissed, "We're already dead, we can't die again!" He looked around, then down. The map sat at his feet. He bent down and picked it up, studying it for a moment. Finally he sighed. "Follow me," he said, and began down the path. The others reluctantly followed him.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

He traced their progress with a pen, taking note of every turn they took. He looked up every once in a while, hoping to see Lydia, but nothing was ever there except for a barren stretch of forest with a single, skinny, dirt pathway snaking through it. He lost track of time after the first hopeless hour, glancing back every now and again to make sure no one was gone. He had no intention of talking to any of them, which was apparently fine. They talked amongst themselves to keep the silence away.

The temporary absence of Lydia gave him time to think, as much as he despised it. And even then, his little Lyds was first in line. Somehow, even though she was gone, he had a feeling she was safe. There wasn't any particular way they could _die_, seeing as how they were already dead, but a sandworm's stomach wasn't the most pleasant thing to be in. He knew.

Even if she _was_ safe, it annoyed him that he didn't know where she was. Of course, if he _did_ know, then he probably wouldn't be out here in this stupid jungle looking for her!

A good thought struck him then, that he felt no kind of romantic desire for her. Yes, he wanted her back more than anything, but his heart didn't 'ache in longing' for her or something like he'd read too many times in her silly romance novels. It made him happy in the strangest way. He was glad that his feelings for her hadn't changed too drastically since they'd been married.

He cringed. _Marriage._ What a _horrible_ word. If he ever got the chance, Mayor Maynot and all his little goonies were going to get the prank of their lives for making him get married.

"Beetlejuice?" His brother's voice knocked him out of his reverie. He turned to find that they had stopped. He gestured for them to keep going.

"Well, come on! You wanna save Lydia, don't you?" he asked.

Everyone just stared at him. After a moment, Jacques stepped forward. "Be-atlejoose," he said, twiddling his thumbs nervously, "We 'ave been searching for hours, stuck in ze middle of a 'orrible forest, miles away from civilization, with some… unknown force obviously angry at us for trespassing! Eet is obvious that Lydia is not around here!"

Beetlejuice abruptly shoved the map at Jacques' skull, wrinkling his nose angrily. "So you're saying we should just give up?!" he yelled.

"Well, not geeve up, per se… but… _oui_," Jacques said in a small voice.

"NO!" Beetlejuice yelled furiously, "If _you_ had disappeared, Lyds would search for days till she found your sorry little skull! The least you can do is do the same for her!"

Jacques seemed to be pondering this for the moment, so Beetlejuice turned to the map. He looked up. "According to the map, there's a fork in the path up ahead. We'll have to split up."

Everyone seemed horrified by the idea.

"And obviously Donny will have to go with one of you, so you can escape if you need to." After glancing between Jacques and Ginger, Beetlejuice grabbed Jacques' bony wrist and tugged him along. "It's me and you, bone-boy!" he said. Donny and Ginger followed quickly until the fork came into view. Everyone stared.

Down one path was the same thing as they had been traveling the past hour-and-a-half, and down the other path it was dark, the trees grew more decrepit-looking, and blackberry bushes complicated the way.

Beetlejuice turned to face the others with a deadpan expression. "Good luck, big brother!" Donny said quickly, grabbing Ginger under one arm like a football and running down the 'less-deadly-looking' path. Beetlejuice rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Well, let's go," he said, and began trudging along the path with Jacques following closely behind.

It was rough going, but he had a feeling they were getting closer to Lydia. Of course, she would be down the dark and dreary path and, of course, he would find her, because he was her best friend and things always had to follow that stereo-typical fairytale pattern. It was the unseen law or something.

Jacques was obviously extremely unnerved by the cold silence, because he began singing quietly in French. On any other occasion, Beetlejuice would have immediately done something, but he was too preoccupied with trying to get through these stupid blackberry vines to care. Even with his magic, the bushes were amazingly thick and stubborn. There was very little light, and spider-webs clung to his hair. He didn't really mind that they got in his hair so much as they blocked his vision, and they just got thicker as they traveled farther.

"Maybe we'll run into a giant version of Ginger, eh?" Beetlejuice joked. Jacques said nothing, but he was still humming, so Beetlejuice knew he hadn't disappeared. "That would be some nightmare, wouldn't it?"

"_Oui_…" Jacques mumbled absentmindedly, not really listening. Dead branches began cracking underfoot, breaking the silence and putting an end to Jacques' noise. Beetlejuice quickened a little bit; he could finally see light.

He pushed his way through the last of the annoying vines and stumbled into a little clearing; Jacques stumbled out after him. He looked around, peeling the sticky webs off of himself.

"Where are--"

"Babes!" Beetlejuice yelled, running across the clearing. The ground was muddy, so he had to prance rather than run. Lydia was lying in a little ball on the ground by a tree. She jumped up when she saw him.

"Beej!" she squealed, running over to meet him. She grabbed him around the shoulders and hugged him tightly. "Jacques!"

"What 'appened?" Jacques asked in a high voice, "Where in ze _Neizerworld_ did you go?!"

She shuddered a little, still clung to Beetlejuice's neck. She closed her eyes and squeezed him tightly, then landed on the ground again. "I… I don't know!" she said, "One minute I was standing there with you guys, and then I was being dragged away by something! I couldn't see it, but it had me by the ankles, and there was something around my mouth so I couldn't cry out for help. And then when it dropped me here, well…" She discreetly pointed up. Beetlejuice and Jacques looked. A tangle of thick vines were above them, shifting and moving as if alive. Strangely enough, it looked like there was a _face_ staring down at them. Jacques began screaming, only to be quickly silenced by Beetlejuice.

"It's sleeping right now, don't worry," Lydia said, "just stay quiet."

Jacques put a hand to his throat. Beetlejuice snapped his fingers.

"Why didn't you just come back?" Jacques asked, his voice now returned.

She pointed in the general direction that they had just come from. The hole was completely gone; the walls of the clearing were made up of some kind of spongy material. "It's impossible," she said, "I tried, but there's no way to get out, unless… maybe BJ can Juice us out." She smiled, turning to him. He grinned.

"That I can!" he said. With one arm around Beetlejuice's, Lydia grabbed Jacques' hand. They disappeared in a cloud of smoke, only to reappear in the exact same spot. Lydia looked around.

"Try again," she said. Beetlejuice tried again a few times, different techniques each time, and each time they reappeared in the exact same spot. "Oh, no…"

Suddenly the thing above them began moving and making sound. Everyone looked up. It was uncurling itself, some vines getting lower, almost touching the ground. Jacques whimpered. "We've got to get out of here!" Lydia said.

Beetlejuice pointed his fingers at the spongy wall. A hole formed in it, and he shoved Jacques through; Lydia went through next, pulling him with her. He tried to keep the blackberry bushes out of their way, but they seemed to be even thicker than last time. The only sounds were their labored breathing as they ran away from… whatever it was. It didn't make any sounds, so it was hard to tell if it was even following them. Beetlejuice was in no hurry to find out.

"Go, go, go," he heard Lydia say, "Hurry!"

All-at-once they stumbled onto the other path. Beetlejuice followed Jacques, who had randomly chose a direction, and ran as fast as his legs could take him. He looked back. Those stupid vines were following them, slithering across the ground right on their heels. They had to kick up their feet to avoid being grabbed.

Lydia suddenly tripped, and as she fell to the ground, Beetlejuice rolled his eyes. Of course. It was another of those unseen stereo-typical laws. He ran back and grabbed her by the wrists, hovering off the ground and pulling against the vines. Lydia dug her feet into the ground and pulled against them, as well. Beetlejuice grabbed her around the waist and pointed his fingers at the vines. They snapped and withered instantly. He twisted around and put her on his back, sailing away back to Jacques. When he got close enough, he grabbed Jacques under the arms and sped up.

He couldn't particularly _fly_, but hovering helped nonetheless. They had gained a lot of ground by the time they ran into Donny and Ginger (Yet another stereo-type, Beetlejuice thought) that, even though Beetlejuice had to run again, they made it out of the forest okay, quite literally falling into the sand of an unknown coast. The vines couldn't stray farther than the forest.

So they all lay there on the coast, breathing heavily. Lydia groaned. "What a stupid idea!" she said, "We're never going hiking again!"

"And we're also never letting you have a map again," Beetlejuice said. Lydia turned around towards the forest and stared at the straining vines, trying to get her.

Suddenly everyone jumped up. "Aha! I told you!" Jacques yelled, pointing at them, "I told you we should 'ave turned back! If you 'ad just listened to me, we never would 'ave 'ad to go through that in ze first place! And now we don't know where we are!"

Lydia laughed a little. "Come on, Jacques," she said, "Maybe it wasn't the nice relaxing hike we'd planned on, but… come on, that was sure invigorating!" She fought to keep the hysteria out of her voice. "And besides, it didn't take more than a few hours out of our day! It's only… twelve o' clock in the afternoon! We still have a whole day ahead of us!"

Everyone stared at her. Jacques slumped and lay down on the sand again, exhausted, followed by Donny and Ginger.

She turned towards Beetlejuice, smiling a little. "Sand angels, babes!" he suggested, falling down onto the sand. She giggled and kneeled down beside him, rolling onto her back.

There was silence. She stared up at the sky and the clouds, slowly drifting by. She sighed, then sat again, turning to face Beetlejuice. His arms were behind his head and his eyes were closed. She rested her elbows on his stomach, her head in her hands. He opened one eye to look at her. She grabbed his tie and flattened it against his chest before smiling.

"We're always going to remember _this _honeymoon, huh, Beej?" she said.

He rolled his eyes. "Again with the 'H' word," he said.

She shook her head and laid her head on his stomach. "The Neitherworld sure is a weird place," she sighed. He scoffed.

"It's not so weird after 100-something years," he said.

"But there are still places you've never been, right?" she asked.

"Well, yeah. I just said it's not so weird, I didn't say you'd see everything," he replied. She shook her head again and laughed, closing her eyes. Only when Jacques spoke up and shattered the peaceful silence did Lydia realize she had almost fallen asleep.

"So 'ow do we get back to ze 'otel?" he asked.

"Why would we _want_ to go back to the hotel?" Beetlejuice asked, "I'm good right here!"

"If I may remind you, Be-atlejoose, we 'ave already slept on ze beach one night. I do not intend to sleep zere again tonight!" Jacques snapped back.

"Oh, would you pipe down?" Beetlejuice said, sitting up and ridding Lydia of her pillow. "We're not going to sleep here!" Jacques gestured at Lydia, who stifled a yawn. Beetlejuice scoffed. "Well, Lyds has been kidnapped by some freakish vine monster today. She doesn't count." Jacques rolled his eyes.

Lydia stood up. "No, he's right. We really should go. Maybe we can go take Doomie somewhere fun," she said, "Besides, the quicker and further away we get from this forest, the better." She smiled nervously.

Beetlejuice groaned angrily before standing up, as well, followed by the other three. "Fine," he said. They all stared at the forest. Finally Lydia grabbed Beetlejuice's hand and pulled him towards her.

"We can just… go around," she said, walking along the coast. Everyone mumbled in agreement.

Beetlejuice and Lydia were rather surprised to find that their hands were still connected when they got back to the hotel several hours later.


	7. Raining kubbs and dogs

Annoyingly long A/N: Heeeeeeere's chapter seven! I wanted the group to do something inside, too… So I thought 'Kubb!'

I've only played Kubb once, and one game lasted about four hours. XD Mostly because I really sucked, and didn't get the hang of tossing the batons till the game was nearing the end. But we did have some good laughs while playing.

I don't know if teams are traditionally supposed to be even, but when I played it, team-members were leaving, switching sides, and coming back at random (Although, I'm proud to say, I and this other guy remained on the same team the whole time), so I just kind of stuck to the belief that the teams don't _have _to be strict.

Uhm… I've pretty much decided that, when all is said and done with this fic, that I'll go back and edit a few things, maybe add another chapter when they arrive at the hotel, so they can preplan their activities (Thus, hopefully, making it seem a little less random) and other such things. Although I may just screw it. This _is_ my first multichapter fic in a loooooong time, after all. XD

This chapter is a wee bit shorter than the others, but I _really didn't want to_ add anything else to the end, because I really like it just the way it is, or it would have strayed from the subject of 'playing kubb. XD Hopefully you will, too. Again, Jacques has some French sayings in here that I'm not too sure about, so if there's a mistake, tell me!

Okee-dokee! Phew! -Wipes brow- Enough talking, on with the story!

Everything belongs to Tim Burton, except for the game Kubb, which apparently originated in Sweden… I think…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 7

Raining kubbs and dogs

-------------------------------

"Raaaaain?!" Beetlejuice groaned, pressing his palms against the glass door. The other four stood by him, staring dismally outside.

"We can still go out today," Lydia said, "It's not that bad."

"No," Beetlejuice said, turning towards her, "Donny's make-up might run." He received a slap on the back of the head as Lydia began giggling.

"But, really… We were going to go to explore some tide-pools, weren't we? I bet the creatures would be really active right now!" she said. There was a flash of lightning, accompanied by a loud crash, out on the horizon. Everyone jumped.

"Unless they're dead," Beetlejuice mumbled.

"I 'ave an idea, _s'il vous plaît_," Jacques said, lifting a hand. Everyone turned towards him. "I propose we… stay inside!"

"What?" Beetlejuice asked incredulously, "But that's exactly _why_ we're here, to get _outside_!" There was another blast and flash, and they all jumped again. He bit his bottom lip. "Fine," he grumbled. "But you'd better think of something for us to do in the next few seconds, or I'm gone."

"_Merveilleux_!" Jacques said, then thought for a moment. Finally he snapped his bony fingers. "Come, follow me!" He led them downstairs to the lobby, picking up one of his suitcases along the way.

There was a 'recreational area' just off the lobby; there was a pool and other such things, and there was a mid-sized empty area where one could set up whatever they wanted. Jacques went over to it and kneeled down on the floor, opening his suitcase.

"What are we going to do, push-ups?" Beetlejuice asked, thrusting his hands into his pockets. Jacques glared at him, but didn't say anything. He began picking small red blocks out of his suitcase, setting them in a small pile beside him, then a bigger, white block, and then six wooden batons. He slid the suitcase away and stood up with his pile of blocks.

"I shall teach you to play Kubb," he announced.

Everyone stared at him blankly. "… Er… Kubb?" Lydia asked.

"_Oui_! Eet ees an old Viking game," he said, walking past them and beginning to set up the red blocks in a row. They all watched him. After he'd set up five of them, he walked over to the other side and set up the other five, then set up the white block in the middle. "We shall need two teams," he said, "They don't need to be even. Beetlejuice and Lydia, you shall be on team _un_, and Ginger, Donny, and I shall be on team _deux_."

Beetlejuice grabbed Lydia around the shoulders and yanked her over. "Of course!" he said, "And we're going to kick your--"

"Bea-tlejoose, listen to me!" Jacques said, putting his hands on his hipbones. He grabbed the six batons and handed two of them to Lydia. She gave one of them to Beetlejuice. Jacques went to his side with the other four. He pointed to the red block in front of him. "Zese are ze kubbs. Ze point of ze game is to knock over ze opposing team's kubbs…" He pointed to the white block in the middle, "So zat you can knock down ze king, AKA zat block in ze middle."

Everyone nodded slowly. Jacques handed Donny and Ginger each one baton. He tossed his first baton across the court, narrowly missing Beetlejuice and Lydia's blocks. "Only underhanded throws are allowed," Jacques said, "You go, Ginger."

Ginger tossed the baton. It landed with a dull _clunk_ on a block near Beetlejuice's feet, and the block fell over. Then Donny went, and succeeded in missing a block, but hitting Lydia's shin. Jacques threw the last baton and knocked over a second block.

"Okay! 'Old on!" he said, interrupting Beetlejuice, who was aiming. "Now, you toss those two kubbs that we knocked down _back at us_, and we stand zem up wherever zey land." Beetlejuice and Lydia each threw one. Jacques set them up. "Now, you, team _deux_, take all _six _batons and toss zem. You 'ave to knock down zese ones first, zough." He gestured to the ones he'd just set up.

"I'll go first, Beej," Lydia said, and tossed her baton. It missed and slid a little.

Beetlejuice tossed his baton with surprising grace, successfully knocking over one of the blocks. Lydia tossed her baton again and hit the big white block in the middle. It fell over. Beetlejuice burst out laughing.

"Okay," Jacques said, "Normally you would lose for zat, but we'll just set eet back up and make you lose a baton."

Lydia turned pink with embarrassment, watching as Beetlejuice successfully nailed another block. She vaguely suspected him of using his magic, but she then realized there was too much going on for him to possibly remember he _had _magic.

Their games continued for a very long while. Beetlejuice became extremely competitive with it, and Lydia's throwing arm improved greatly. When her dad died and came to the Neitherworld, they were sure going to have great games of catch.

They switched out teams and kept score ('Best two outta three!' Beetlejuice would yell, and then up the stakes when his team was losing), and continued playing the silly game for hours, making up different tactics and throwing styles.

As much as he hated to admit it, Beetlejuice had an extremely good time… being active.

And it was relatively easy to transition from their little Kubb court to the pool, when someone wanted to use it. Lydia didn't remember the last time she'd been swimming, so it was a welcome activity. There was also the rot-tub; Beetlejuice was not successful in his attempts to get her in.

"No, Beetlejuice! Do you even know what's _in_ that… 'water'?" she asked.

He surveyed the bubbling surface before shrugging. "Mold, algae, filth… The best crap ever," he said.

She rolled her eyes. "Thanks, but I'll pass," she said, and jumped into the pool again. She paused for a moment to listen to her stomach grumble. She looked at the big clock on the far wall. "Three?" she asked, bewildered. She turned around to face the window. The rain had stopped. She climbed out of the pool and returned to Beetlejuice, who was still in the rot-tub. She kneeled down. "Hungry?" she asked. He opened one eye and glanced at her. Without saying anything, he grabbed one of the straps of her bathing suit and pulled her in. She screamed and, as soon as she could, climbed back out.

"Beetlejuice!" she screeched, dripping in sludge. He began cackling at her. She flicked it all at him. "I'm hungry," she said, pushing her hair out of her face. "What about you?"

He climbed out of the tub and shook himself off. "Sure, babes, I could go for some food," he said.

She led him to the showers and stepped into one of them, rinsing all of the sludge off of herself. She forced him to at least rinse off. When she was done, she quickly walked across the room and grabbed a towel, drying her hair. Suddenly an excruciating pain quite literally snapped across her butt. She screamed and jumped forward, turning and glaring at Beetlejuice, who was holding a towel and chuckling at her. "Beej, you just towel-snapped me!" she screamed, causing him to laugh louder. She stepped forward and grabbed the towel, tugging on it. He tugged on the other side, pulling it towards him till he began to grab her arms. "Beej, what the he--"

Suddenly her words were cut off, caused by his lips smooshing against hers. His grip remained strong on her arms, so she couldn't really pull away…

But she didn't _want to_…

Her stomach flipped. What was wrong? Usually she would have found this so… awkward and weird, her kissing Beetlejuice, but for some reason, this time, she… she _liked it_. And it horrified her. She wasn't supposed to like Beetlejuice this way! They had always just been best friends, never more than that, and she had never guessed that they would be.

She felt his arms wrap around her back, pulling her into him. Her feet left the ground, her hands pinned to his chest. She strained to let her feet touch the ground, but only her toes reached. It was enough. She began walking against him, ramming him up against the lockers, then sideways onto a bench. He rolled just a little bit, letting her lay on top of him. She felt little sounds rising up in the back of her throat, and when they were voiced they sounded strikingly like moans. Was this really that great?

Suddenly the sound of someone clearing their throat was heard, rudely interrupting their heated moment. Both of them looked towards the entrance. Jacques, Donny, and Ginger stood there. Jacques put his hands on his hips. "Get a room, _oui_?" he said.

Lydia could sense the colour rising up her neck, as well as a failure of all her nerve-endings. She rolled off of Beetlejuice and stood pigeon-toed and slumped, her arms wrapped around herself. He sat up and turned around to face them with his best 'innocent' face. She pointed at him accusingly. "He towel-snapped me!" she cried.

"And then you made-out?" Donny mumbled, smirking and crossing his arms.

Beetlejuice cleared his throat, grabbed a towel, and left the room. Lydia wiped her mouth and followed him, and the others followed her.

--------------------------------------------

**Hopefully I've quenched you silly BJxLyds fangirls' thirst for the moment. I just couldn't resist havin' Beej towel-snap poor Lydia. XD**

**I'm really starting to think we're nearing the end of this story… I predict we'll have like, three more chapters, maybe? But I've got some fun ideas for other fics after this… Plot-bunnies have even appeared for a freaking sequel to this story, since I already **_**have**_** the epilogue… But I'll leave that to you guys. And besides, the end of this story isn't for a while.**

**Well, till next chapter, in which hopefully I won't talk quite so much,**

**-Skellagirl**


	8. Tidepools of Loooove

A/N: Yet another chapter!

A bit of lap-top trouble postponed this one. While in the middle of it, Microsoft Word decided to spontaneously shut down, bringing the whole computer with it. Luckily, being the OCD I am, I save after finishing pretty much every paragraph. So I didn't lose much at all. Maybe a sentence or two, but that was it.

And before you say something about it: **No, the name of this chapter is not supposed to be serious**. XD

Everything belongs to Tim Burton!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 8

Tide-pools of Loooove

-----------------------

Lydia began to notice something unnerving about Beetlejuice. It was the fifth evening of their apparent week-long vacation, and he had taken a step _backwards_.

All the progress they had made to cure him of his pranking addiction seemed to suddenly be… slipping away. Slowly, but surely. It was like their little accidental make-out session had popped the little blissful bubble in his head. Sure, he wasn't sulking like last time, but she began noticing the discreet glances he'd give people when he noticed that they were in prank-worthy situations; once, he'd caused oil to spray up from somewhere in the hood of a car as a man was trying to figure out what was wrong.

Lydia hadn't exactly had anything planned for today, which she knew contributed to his boredom. A bored Beetlejuice was _not_ a good thing. She cycled through the options, but none of them sounded good – especially with the ground wet and muddy from the earlier storm.

They had managed to get some time away from Jacques, Ginger, and Donny, who were rather nervous about being around her and Beetlejuice, always keeping one eye on them.

"Beej," she mumbled, interrupting his quiet muttering as he glared across the street at a rather rude little boy who seemed to find it funny to disturb a bee's nest. She could tell Beetlejuice was just _itching_ to sic the bees on him. Miraculously, he managed to keep his face rather blank, although it didn't really help. It just made him look crazy, instead of angry. "Beetlejuice," she said, a little louder, stepping towards him and grabbing his shoulder, forcing him to turn around and face her. "You've seemed awfully… restless, lately."

He scoffed. "Well, yeah," he said, "There's a certain trio who won't get off my back about makin' out with you."

She blushed slightly and took his hand, continuing to walk. "You've got to let it go," she said.

He leaned into her, forcing her to sidestep a little bit, and shoved his face far past her personal bubble, almost touching her. "Maybe if we made-out more they'd get used to it, huh?" he asked. For once, she was confused about whether he was joking or not.

She turned towards him, lifting one shoulder coyly. He retreated. "I thought you didn't like me that way," she said.

He tossed his free hand up innocently, "Believe me, I don't," he said, but added something under his breath. It sounded remarkably like, "At least I don't think I don't…" He turned away from her, having caught sight of someone hosing off their sandy feet. He discreetly snapped his fingers. All of the sudden the hose exploded with water, drenching everyone within fifteen feet or so. She tugged forcefully on his hand. He stumbled a little bit, turning back towards her.

"Babes!" he whined.

"Don't do that!" she said, "Do you even realize how serious of a situation you're in?"

He let out a long, "Haaa," then said, "You say that like I'm on Death-row."

She glared at him. "You _are_," she insisted.

He swallowed, and his cocky grin faltered a bit, but he said nothing. She pinched her lips tightly together, then quickly darted around him and scrambled ungracefully onto his back in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Let's go down to the beach," she said, securing her arms around his neck, "I still haven't gotten to see the tide-pools, yet."

"Alright, alright," he replied, grabbing her under the knees. He knew she wouldn't let him sleep in peace if she didn't get to see the tide-pools, but what was so interesting about them, he didn't know. He'd endure it, anyway, if it made Lydia happy.

Gradually, asphalt turned to sand, and sand turned to rock. Lydia enjoyed riding on Beetlejuice's back. She felt it served quite a few purposes at once: One, it kept his hands occupied. Two, she didn't have to worry about her feet getting sandy. And three... Well, she certainly wasn't afraid to admit that she was beginning to harbor feelings for him.

He let go of her for a moment to climb over a rather large rock. She clung tighter to his jacket, as little pebbles and clumps of sand fell down. He turned around and sat down to catch his breath. She got off his back and stretched a bit.

They were rather high above the sand now, and Lydia climbed to the top of a tall boulder to look at the sea from there. It was close, and she could feel the spray on her skin. She turned back towards Beetlejuice, who looked up at her, squinting in the sunlight. "We'll have to go back before high-tide," she said, climbing down hazardously, "but that won't be for an hour or so. C'mon, Beej, let's look around!" She grabbed his shoulder and pulled him up.

He followed her across a few more unstable boulders before they got to the actual tide-pools. She leaned over them eagerly, occasionally sticking a hand in the water and expertly fishing out a starfish or other such creature and showing it to him before replacing it. She educated him on all the little fish they saw, and once she had almost stepped on a crab. She would have, if not for him pulling her back and pointing it out.

Unfortunately, all of her information fell on deaf ears, because Beetlejuice's mind was on different things entirely.

He didn't like to think too deeply about _anything_, but he couldn't help himself on this. The recent sudden turn-of-events had sent his mind into an unusually thoughtful state.

He found himself, the more he thought about it, doubting that the whole towel-snapping make-out session had been a silly joke, because, really, there had to have been _some kind _of affection (To say the least) to fuel his kiss.

He bit his bottom lip and glanced at Lydia, who was explaining… what, now? Some kind of rainbow-coloured fish, by the looks of it. She wasn't looking at him, so he took the chance to just stare at her.

She was very pretty, he _had_ to admit. Beautiful, even, with her long black hair and almost paper-white skin, the way her eyes glittered when she was concerned and the way her cheeks dimpled when she smiled.

If he had to be married, at least it was to Lydia.

Mayor Maynot and Judge Mental's little scheme had certainly not achieved its goal, if it was to make him miserable. For goodness' sake, he still got away with some of his little pranks. Although, his fingers were itching for a little more action. There were so many vulnerable, unknowing people out there, just _asking_ to be pranked. He supposed he had to give the Mayor props here, because it bothered him greatly to resist firing a little magic on all those citizens.

Lydia turned towards him. He was still staring at her, but not really _looking_ at her. She tugged on his hair a bit, playfully, before standing up and progressing to the next pool. He remained where he was, watching her idly. She put her hands behind her back, leaning forward over the tide-pool, her bathing-suit bottom riding up a little. He couldn't help but stare.

The sky had turned a golden colour as the sun began to set. The sea-spray turned to a thin mist as it washed up over the big boulders.

Lydia kneeled down, settling to her knees and dipping one hand into the tide-pool. She pulled out a small turtle-ish-type creature and held it close to her face, mumbling to it and stroking its shell, and then replaced it. It swam away into a rocky alcove. She shook the water off her hands and stood up. As soon as she was at full-height, she felt arms encircle her waist, pinning her arms to her sides.

Beetlejuice squeezed her tightly, resting his head on her shoulder. Neither of them said anything, but Lydia giggled as his hair tickled her neck. She leaned her head back into his shoulder, closing her eyes. She sighed.

"Lyds, you ever get the feeling something really bad's going to happen?" he asked at length.

She felt a little worried by the strange inquiry, but not enough to question it.

"Yes," she said, "of course."

He just made an agreeing sort of noise in the back of his throat, inclining his head and kissing her bare shoulder. She stiffened, wondering if this would lead to another overly passionate love-affair. But he just stood there, his lips on her skin, before continuing, "Good to know I'm not the only one."

This struck her as a grossly out-of-character comment for him, and searched for something clever to say. Before anything came, she felt cold water wash against her feet. They both looked down.

"Tide's coming in," she said, disappointment evident in her voice. He let her go when she pushed away, only to have her hitch a ride on his back again. He carried her back to the sand, and to the edge of town, where she insisted on walking. Something her eye, and she turned. Out a little ways, on a boardwalk, there was a carnival, and the big ferris-wheel's lights were flickering on as the sky grew orangey-red. She hadn't noticed it before.

"We should check that out before we leave," she said, pointing to it. Beetlejuice shrugged.

"Sure, babes," he said, but did not send all that excited. He grabbed her hand and began walking. The carnival was soon hidden from sight behind a building. "Boardwalk carnivals are always awful, though."

She looked up at him. "Not always!" she said, "I went to one with my dad once, and it was great."

He said nothing. She glanced down at their hands. His grip was rather tight; it reminded her of how he'd held her hand at the wedding, while reciting his vows. She caught sight of the little golden band on her finger, and her stomach clenched strangely. She suddenly wondered if Beetlejuice actually wore his ring or not.

They reached their hotel, but Beetlejuice stated that he was not going to go inside.

"Well, where are you going?" she asked.

"Ahh, you know… Around, out and about, all that stuff," he said.

She licked her lips, then looked up at him. She nodded.

"Take a bath or something, babes," he told her, ruffling her hair. She giggled, grabbing his hand and pulling it off her head.

"_You're_ telling _me_?" she asked.

He just laughed at her. She shook her head, successfully glimpsing the ring on his finger. She pushed his hand back at him and straightened his tie. "Just don't cause too much havoc, okay?" she asked.

"Okay," he agreed, pushing her hands away from his tie.

"A bath doesn't sound half bad, actually," she said, and then she kissed him on the cheek, "I'll see you later, Beej." And she went inside, leaving a slightly pink Beetlejuice to go on his walk and continue thinking too deeply.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Well, there you go! Tell me whatcha think:)**

**I filled out that beta-reader 'application', but I don't know how to make it show up or anything! Does anyone know, or am I supposed to wait for one of the mod-people to check it out?**

**Thanks,**

**-Skellagirl**


	9. If you want

A/N: Well, I finished the story, so I'll be putting up all the chapters in one big clump. I see no point in waiting any longer!

I was half-asleep while writing this chapter, so it's a little jumbled together, but I do really like how it turned out. :)

Not much else to say now… So READ ON!

Everything belongs to Tim Burton!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 9

If you want

--------------

Lydia turned around, her hair whipping around her face in the wind. Jacques, Ginger, and Donny all turned towards her, grim looks on their faces. She said nothing. Just smiled, then turned back around in her seat and watched the scenery speed by.

Beetlejuice leaned against the opposite side of the car, looking sour. He made it painfully obvious that he disapproved of the other three joining them on their newest adventure. They were going to go hiking again, but this time through the _correct _trail. Beetlejuice made sure to handle the map, since he had proved himself handy last time, although the other three weren't very easy to convince.

But Lydia wanted them around. There was too much awkwardness, still, when it was just her and Beetlejuice, and she wasn't sure she'd be able to stand it. So she had forced them along, much to all of their dismay.

Doomie slowed to a stop near the beginning of the trail. It was marked by a small sign, simply reading 'Nature Trail'. They all climbed out, and then Doomie zoomed off. Hoping he'd come back eventually, Lydia turned towards the trail. The others were staring nervously up at it. Grinning optimistically, she grabbed Beetlejuice's hand and began up the sloped trail. "Come on!" she said. Reluctantly, the others followed.

"We are not taking our eyes off you zis time, Lydia," Jacques announced as they entered the forest.

"I know, I know," Lydia said, smiling a bit. Actually she was rather glad they'd be keeping an eye on her. If anything were to jump out and take her, they'd at least know which direction she'd go.

The beginning of the hike was horribly quiet, something Lydia had wanted to avoid. Beetlejuice seemed to a million miles away, just staring at the ground and letting Lydia pull him along. He hadn't said much of anything yet the whole day, which was both uncharacteristic and unsettling. She had tried to coax him into talking, which was usually not that hard, but he always answered in the fewest words possible. What was also strange was that he was _thinking_. She wondered if she had done something yesterday to force the rusty 'deep-thinking' gears in his brain to begin again.

Lydia swallowed and slowed her pace. "You guys go ahead, we'll trail behind," she told them. They continued.

Coming out of his reverie, Beetlejuice looked up, then at her. "Are we in for another deep talk?" he asked warily.

"If you want," she said, "You've just been really quiet today."

"Sorry, babes," he said.

"Need some coffee or something? Are you tired?" she asked.

He scoffed. "Nah, just… feeling down, I guess."

"So you need a pick-me-up?" she asked.

He sighed. "If you insist," he said, grabbing her under the knees and picking her up, carrying her bridal-style. She kicked her feet, giggling.

"Beej!" she cried, but didn't make any move to escape. The other three glanced back worriedly at her high-pitched squeal, but after seeing she was safe went back to their own business.

She laid her head on his chest, watching the trees pass. She kicked her feet again, but playfully. "I could get used to this," she said, giggling some more.

"You're really not that heavy, babes," he said.

She looked up at him, "Do you mean that, or do you just know that telling a girl she's light will make her happy?" she asked jokingly, tugging the lapel of his jacket.

"I mean it, babes," he said, laughing at her, "You're light. Are you sure you're eating enough?"

Something in his tone made her laugh harder, shaking in his arms. Once she was through laughing, she said, "So you'll be my personal 'carrier'?"

"If you want," he told her, smiling mischievously.

"Yay!" she said, and leaned her head on his chest again. She sighed. The trees were set far apart, so she could see all of them for a long distance. Ferns grew on the ground through the soft dirt. Lydia snuggled closer, burying her head into the crook of his neck.

"Faster, you slow-pokes!" Jacques called from far ahead of them, "Don't fall behind!"

Beetlejuice sped up a bit, but stayed behind enough to talk to Lydia privately.

"So tomorrow is our last day at the beach, isn't it, babes?" he asked.

She nodded.

He sighed. "Do you think… it'll be weird to go home?" he asked.

She sighed, this time. "Of course," she mumbled, "It's always weird coming home from a vacation."

"Well, yeah, but I meant, just… you know… _going home_. Being married and all that. I mean, I'll have to share my bed," he said, rather quietly.

She poked his nose, smiling. "We _already_ share the bed in the hotel," she said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, but that's not my bed! I've had _my _bed to myself for over 150 years," he said, shaking his head pointedly.

"Too bad! I'm your wife, I want to sleep with you!" she said before snapping her mouth shut and turning a bright, bright red. He smirked playfully.

"Well, now that we're announcing it to the world, I want to sleep with you, too," he muttered before bursting into laughter.

She covered her face with her hands, her long sleeves covering her knuckles. "No, I didn't mean it that way!" she said hurriedly, her voice muffled by her hands.

He just laughed harder. "Suuure, babes," he said.

She buried her face into his shirt bashfully, giggling in embarrassment. The other three had stopped and were now around Beetlejuice, all with confused looks on their faces.

"What's wrong with Lydia?" Ginger asked.

"She just admi—"

"I'm fine!" Lydia said, lifting her still pink head.

Beetlejuice continued walking, laughing at her, leaving the other three behind and rather confused.

------------------------------------------------

The next hour or so was spent with Beetlejuice leading and Lydia leading the group. The other three followed somewhat behind, talking amongst themselves. Lydia was walking, her arms wrapped around herself. Their silly antics over for now, she watched the ground in silence as she walked.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Jacques grabbed each of them by the shoulders. "Hold on one second!" he said, stepping forward, "Do you 'ear zat?"

They all listened for a moment. There was a low, rather close rumbling. "What is it?" Lydia asked curiously.

"I think eet is a waterfall," Jacques said. Lydia grinned.

"We should check it out!" she said, and began jogging down the path. The others followed.

It wasn't long before they reached the clearing where the waterfall was. It was huge, cascading over a tall rocky cliff. The pool it flowed into was deep enough to swim in, and Beetlejuice suggested they do so. He picked up Lydia then transported them to the top of the cliff. She grabbed him tightly.

"Okay, Beej, let's go!" she said.

He tossed her off the cliff, laughing. She screamed, twirling in the air and then landing back-first in the water, causing an enormous splash. After she could feel her limbs again, she swam to the surface. Her body tingled unpleasantly. Coughing and hacking, she swam over and climbed out of the water.

"Cannonball!" she heard Beetlejuice yell before there was a loud, big splash. He swam over and joined her. He was dripping wet, his hair stuck over his eyes. He stood up and walked over to the other three.

"I think I'll – AHH!" Jacques was pushed in, followed by Donny and Ginger. Beetlejuice laughed, shaking his head. Water sprayed everywhere. He pushed his hair back and turned to Lydia, grabbing her arm and pulling her up. They jumped in together.

The water was cold, but it felt nice. Beetlejuice and Donny served as elevators whenever anyone wanted to dive off the cliff. Lydia never did; she learned her lesson when Beetlejuice threw her off.

Much to her disappointment, there was nothing interesting under the water. No hidden caves or fancy fish or sunken treasure-chests. Just a deep, dark, ordinary pool. Since she didn't technically have to _breathe_, she swam all the way to the bottom, just to see how deep it was.

She crawled along the floor of the pool, searching for anything interesting, when her sides began to ache. She swam back up to the surface and took a few deep breaths, then climbed onto dry land. Her stomach cramped up so badly that she was bent over, her hands hugged around herself.

_Oh, not now_, she thought angrily, laying down and watching the others splash each other. After noticing she wasn't playing, Beetlejuice swam over and climbed out next to her, his clothes dripping. She looked up at him with a frustrated expression.

"What's wrong, babes?" he asked, frowning curiously.

"Cramps," she said.

"Did you swim too hard?"

"Uhm, no," she replied pointedly, and gave him a look that she hoped got her point across. Alas, Beetlejuice was not thinking of anything close to feminine needs at the moment, not when so much exciting water activities were going on.

"Then what's wrong?" he asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

She sat up. "I'm going to start my period soon," she replied bluntly.

For reasons unknown to her, he turned pink. Perhaps the female body was just a touchy subject for him. "Oh," was all he said. After glancing between her and the other three, who were swimming over, he asked, "Do you want me to carry you again?"

She giggled. "If you want," she said.

He smiled and stood up, scooping her into his arms. The other three climbed out and stood behind him.

"Are we finished?" Donny asked, a note of disappointment in his voice.

Neither of them said anything, but Beetlejuice nodded slightly. He was still slightly pink. He somehow managed to get the map out and found the trail, and then they continued down it.

Lydia was slightly upset the whole rest of the way. She hated it when her body got in the way of doing things, not to mention her cramps were persistent, and refused to go away, although they did dull down quite a bit. And she ended up falling asleep, her head buried once again into Beetlejuice's damp jacket, although she doubted he cared.

When she woke up again, she was in Doomie. Her spirits instantly fell more. She had missed out on the whole second half of their hike!

"Morning, sleepy-head!" Beetlejuice said in an unusually joyful tone. She looked around groggily. The others were asleep, as well. She turned towards him.

"How was it?" she asked.

"Oh, you know… Pretty much exactly the same as the first part," he said. She crossed her arms. She was suddenly aware that their parts had been switched since the ride there – she was the angry one and he was the happy one.

He crawled over to her and tossed his arms around her shoulders. His clothes were still slightly wet. "Ahh, cheer up, babes," he said, "There will be other boring hiking trails."

She glared at him. His smile disappeared slowly. She sighed, then sighed again. Then again. But she nothing came to mind as for what to say.

"Uhm… babes, I…" he said slowly. She turned towards him, "… Would you mind if I… well, I dunno why exactly I'm _asking_, but do you mind if I kiss you?"

She paused. Her expression softened into a slightly apologetic smile. "… If you want."

He did, but it didn't help Lydia forget about all the vulnerable people back at the beach.

--------------------------------------------------------

**I don't know if this would be a big deal (Because you never know…), but I **_**have**_** had to deal with cramps like Lydia's. Once I had to sit on a shelf in Wal-mart and wait till I could stand up again. XD**

**Well, tell me what you think!**

**-Skellagirl**


	10. A Sudden Snap

A/N: Here's chapter ten!

I'm not completely satisfied with this chapter, but I know that there's nothing that can be done with it at the moment. It's been a _long time_ since I've written anything climactic or action-y, so please excuse me. XD

I actually wrote this chapter after finishing chapter 4, so I had to go back and rewrite a lot of stuff, and I think that also contributed to this chapter's crappiness/anti-climactic-ness. I had to delete a lot of stuff that didn't work, because the story didn't turn out like that.

Buuuuuut… No matter. I hope you'll enjoy it, anyway:)

Tim Burton OWNS ALL.

--------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 10

A Sudden Snap

-------------------

Lydia held her cup with both hands, staring at the contents. The smile on her face was gigantic as she looked up at Beetlejuice, who sat beside her at their table, and who had dared her to drink it.

Last time she checked, they had added several beetles to a vanilla milkshake, plus water, salt, pepper, and some of that fake sugar stuff. It looked like someone had vomited into her glass.

"It's disgusting," she said, leaning forward. He laughed.

"Aww, come on, try it, babes!" he said, leaning towards her.

"Only if we go to that carnival," she said slyly.

"Only if you drink it all," Beetlejuice challenged, looking down his nose at her.

She debated for a moment, then nodded. "Alright, fine," she said.

"Yes!"

Without thinking twice, Lydia downed the disgusting drink. It was more like a pile of sludge than a milkshake now, crawling down her throat like it was alive. She tried not to let it touch her tongue, but it wasn't much use. It tasted something close to what she thought sewage would taste like, and she was quite literally battling her gag-reflex the whole time. Finally, after she had shaken the last drops out of the glass, she slammed it on the table and pumped her hands in the air triumphantly. Beetlejuice began cackling at her almost pained expression.

Lydia gagged, trying to laugh and chew her drink at the same time. Beetlejuice just laughed harder at her, leaned back with his arms wrapped around himself. She tried her hardest not to laugh, but it was no use, so she tried to quickly swallow what remained in her mouth as Beetlejuice gasped for air; every time he saw her expression he started laughing again.

"BJ, quit it!" she laughed through a mouth full of bugs, slapping his arm, "If you make me laugh too hard, I'll throw up in your lap!"

"Alright, alright, babes!" he giggled, inching away from her, wiping his cheeks with his hands.

She swallowed with a tremendous amount of effort, sticking her tongue out in disgust. "How can you like those things, Beetlejuice?" she asked, grimacing.

He leaned back, hiking one leg up onto the seat. He picked a beetle up and examined it. "How can you _not_?" he asked, and tossed it into his mouth.

-----------------------------------------------

Beetlejuice followed Lydia along the boardwalk. She could feel his restlessness in the way he held her hand. All these unknowing people! They could all be victims of such great pranks! She tried to ignore it, but not to much avail.

He moved closer to her, more by her side than behind her. "Babes, look!" he said, gesturing forward to someone looking out to the sea. They were leaning precariously far over the railing. "Just a snap of the fingers, and he'd be over that thing!" He shuddered with desire, almost danced. She half-turned and grabbed his other hand, pulling him in front of her. He began walking backwards, facing her.

"BJ, you can't," she said, "I know that as soon as you do, you'll just want to keep doing it." He grimaced, knowing she was right. She glared at him with the most serious expression she could manage.

He looked straight up, at the sky. Daaaaaaaarn iiiiiiiiiiiiiit. He couldn't take it. He _had _to, he'd gone so long without pranking anyone. He spun them both around and ran forward, ramming her into the railing. She squealed in shock.

"BJ, what're you--?!" He twisted one of his hands free and half-turned, sending a shock of electricity straight across the boardwalk. The man he'd been eyeing earlier was lifted from his spot and tossed into the ocean.

Beetlejuice laughed. Lydia's panicked, but the way he had her pinned made it impossible to move. He paused as though that was _actually _the only one he'd do. And then something in his eyes changed; he looked hungrier, a little bit insane, as if something in his mind had suddenly snapped.

Without a word, he turned a little farther and sent a shock to a person who was staring into an old cannon. The cannon suddenly exploded with a gigantic spray of water, absolutely drenching whoever happened to be in the way. He finally turned around the other way and sent a bolt at the rollercoaster, which was quick to take on a much crazier shape, full of countless nauseating loops and twists. Lydia shrieked.

"Beetlejuice, stop it!" she screamed, twisting and kicking at him. He began cackling and dissolved into a puddle on the spot. She watched the striped puddle ooze over to an empty spot on the boardwalk. "Beej!!" She followed it, standing over it, willing him to materialize so she could give him the slapping he deserved. "Be--"

But before she could say anything, the puddle suddenly erupted into a gigantic carousel-type thing, with her sitting on top. She screamed, suddenly finding herself twenty feet off the ground. Beetlejuice's insane cackling echoed down the dock; everyone turned to stare at the bizarre black-and-white thing that had appeared out of nowhere.

"Beetlejuice, listen to me!" she screamed, "Stop it! You'll be thrown to the Sandworms!"

She slid off the top of the carousel-thing and landed on the boardwalk with a loud, violent thud. She pushed herself up and looked up at what had once been Beetlejuice. What had once been his two arms, now two long, snake-like tentacles, were traveling along the boardwalk, doing rather rude things to the people who were trying to get away, as well as breaking anything in sight. One of the tents spontaneously caught fire, causing her to jump.

"Stop it!" she screamed again, "You're hurting people!" She ran around to the front of the carousel and watched him. The only sounds were his guffawing and the guests' screaming. She covered her face for a moment, groaning angrily, unaware of one of Beetlejuice's arms wrapping around her leg. She screamed in horror when she was hoisted into the air.

Instead of being dropped into the water, however, she was lifted to face him upside-down. "Beetlejuice!" she screamed, her tone suddenly rather like a stern, angry mother, "Put me down right now!"

Slowly but surely, he began shrinking back to his original size. She was dropped on the boardwalk again, and she immediately stood up to find him standing awkwardly in front of her with his hands in his pockets, slouched forward, pigeon-toed.

She clenched her hands into fists, grinding her teeth together before slapping him as hard as she could across the face. He did nothing to stop her. "You idiot!" she screamed, "Judge Mental is going to go _crazy_ when he finds out about this!!"

"But, babes, he--"

"_You're not going to get any second chances_, Beetlejuice!" she interrupted, "That's what _this_ was!" She pointed to the ring on her left finger. After glaring at him for another moment, she spun around, striding away, tugging at her hair.

It made her sick to think about it, that he could be thrown to the Sandworms. Suddenly she bumped into something. She looked up, even though she already knew who it was. Beetlejuice stared down at her with a bitterly apologetic look on his face. "Babes, I--"

She shoved him away. "I don't care, BJ. It doesn't matter, anyway. People will hear about this soon, and then who knows what'll happen."

He shuddered. He stepped forward and grabbed her arms. She didn't look at him until he forced her to. "Babes, I'm _sorry_," he said.

She wrinkled her nose angrily and jerked her head away. She sniffed. "Sorry won't work on Mayor Maynot! Sorry won't work on Judge Mental! They were just _waiting_ for you to slip-up like this!" She shook her head, pulling away from him and continuing on her way towards the hotel. Beetlejuice followed her like a puppy.

"I really think you're overreacting!" he tried.

She said nothing.

"Babes, please. You can't leave me to face Judge Mental alone!" he pleaded. She spun around.

"Why can't I?" she snapped, "I'm not the one who will have to explain. I tried to _stop_ you. Maybe you _deserve_ this!"

Neither of them moved; they just stood there and stared at each other. Finally she swallowed.

"Beej… I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't mean that."

"Nah, it's alright," he said, although he did _not _look like it was 'alright'. "Maybe you're right, I'll probably be thrown to the Sandworms! But you know, Lyds? I realized something in the week I've been married to you."

He grabbed her shoulders and shook her back and forth a bit. "I realized how utterly _in love _with you I am," he said, "I realized that maybe being married to my best bud isn't so bad. I realized that sharing my bed with you is possibly the most wonderful thing I've ever done. And… I've really liked spending all this time with you, despite all the crappy things that have happened to us…" He said nothing more after that. She was too afraid, for one reason or another, to look at him. He let go of her and walked away with his hands in his pockets, leaving Lydia standing there alone, feeling rather like an idiot.

She wrapped her arms around herself and stared at him. He didn't turn back once as he headed towards the beach, and as his familiar striped suit got farther and farther away she felt a horrible feeling in her chest, as though someone had taken a match and lit her heart on fire. After a moment, she turned around and continued towards the hotel.

It startled her how loud the slam of the door was when she closed it, and how angry she sounded when she screamed at the empty room, and how much it annoyed her that she couldn't dam up her tears. She stayed curled in a little ball on the floor of the tub as the shower ran, and she stayed in that little ball position while she lay in the coffin-bed, sniffling and wiping her nose.

-----------------------------------------------------

Beetlejuice opened the door to the hotel room and stepped inside. It was obvious from the silence that Jacques, Ginger and Donny weren't there.

"Hello?" he asked, "Babes? You in here?"

His question was answered when he turned the corner into their bedroom and saw her curled up in the coffin, a big thick robe covering her. He walked over to her and kneeled down beside her, shaking her awake.

"BJ?" she mumbled, lifting her head a bit.

"Babes," he said.

She rubbed her eyes and sat up, hugging herself. "Beej, I'm sorry," she whispered, "I didn't mean what I said back there." He yanked off his boots, then climbed into the coffin. She watched him, a bit miserably, until she was encircled by his arms and hugged so tightly she thought her ribs might break. He lay down and took her with him. He laughed a bit, but said nothing. She studied the ring on her finger, then looked up at him. She snuggled into him, closing her eyes. "BJ, what are we going to do? I can't let you get thrown to the Sandworms."

"I'm still workin' on that, babes," he said nervously, "I've gotta have a really good story, or there's a really slim chance I'm getting out of this alive… well… dead… _and_ alive…"

She stared at him sadly for a moment, then leaned forward, pressing her lips against his. She felt him stroke her hair gently, his hand resting on her cheek. He leaned forward, slipping his hand under her robe, but she pulled it away, looking apologetically at him.

"Beej, not right now," she mumbled, "Remember yesterday?"

"… Right…"

After a moment, she undid the buttons of his jacket and the first few of his shirt, then pulled his tie off. She hugged him tightly, sighing.

"Uhm… I love you," she said awkwardly. But she did, so she figured she'd get the truth out there in the open.

He said nothing for a moment. He put his arms around her and readjusted himself so that they were both comfortable, then (Against that little voice in his head who resisted all the lovey-dovey crap) mumbled, "Love you, too, babes."

And they both fell asleep.

-----------------------------------

**Whew! We've only got one more chapter to go (And then an epilogue)!**

**Hope you've enjoyed it this far. We're almost through!**

**-Skellagirl**


	11. On Déjà vu and Sticking up for Oneself

A/N: Well, here it is! The last chapter before the epilogue!

This chapter wasn't originally even going to be in the story, but I decided it'd be stupid to go jump from the last day of their honeymoon to you-decide-how-far into the future. It just made no sense and I felt like it'd be a let-down. So slightly against my will, I wrote this.

Plus, I just thought it'd be kinda fun to end the story with a trial scene, since that's how it started. XD

As always, everything belongs to Mr. Tim Burton!

--------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 11

On Déjà vu and Sticking up for Oneself

-------------------------------------------------

Beetlejuice felt Lydia's grip tighten on his hand as the spotlight flicked on noisily. The sound of Judge Mental snapping his gavel against the podium echoed in the otherwise silent room. Beetlejuice nervously looked up.

Judge Mental's expression was a cross of amusement, boredom, and absolute, unabashed hatred. "Well…?" was all he said, in a grim, deadly voice.

Beetlejuice let his eyes slowly trail down to the floor. He felt like he might be sick. The tension in the air was so thick it could be cut with a knife. He knew Jacques, Ginger, and Donny were, wherever they were, whether it was here in the courthouse or outside in the city, watching him, wondering what he'd say. This was his one chance, and he could _not_ afford to screw it up.

He swallowed, seriously considering letting himself vomit right there. It might get him out of it. His mind was working quickly, quickly… But he couldn't think of anything. Lydia squeezed his hand reassuringly, but her face was fraught with worry.

"Uhm…" He paused. His voice was repulsively weak. He took a deep breath and looked back up at the Judge. "I'm… sorry?" It came out sounding like a question, but that was all he could think of.

"Sorry?" Judge Mental asked, his expression flickering to disbelief before rearranging itself to look exactly as before. "Do you know the severity of what you did at that carnival?"

Beetlejuice shook his head. For once in his entire life he could not pull out any kind of cockiness or confidence. He felt like a hopeless little child.

"Well, I won't go into details, but I _can_ say that it will cost a lot of money to repair," said the Judge, "Do you think that you can possibly say _anything_ to save your sorry hide from the Sandworms?"

He searched for something, anything, _anything_ at all, any kind of excuse, any kind of loophole, any kind of story, that he could use to defend himself with, but got nothing. He stared at the floor determinedly again.

"I have something, Your Honour," said Lydia suddenly.

There was silence for a moment. Everyone turned to consider her. She wasn't smiling, although her voice sounded rather hopeful. In fact, her expression was rather the opposite of a smile. She glanced at Beetlejuice – he looked actually somewhat _heartbroken_ – before turning back to the Judge.

"Go on…"

She took a deep breath, hoping to wing it and make something good out of it. "Uhm, while… While we were on our honeymoon, Beetlejuice proved several things to me. For one, he proved that he can _actually _feel something other than mischief. He can actually be quite… well, _loving_, believe it or not. Two, he made me laugh so many times during the week that I forgot how to be sad. I think the other three can agree to that, even a little." She looked at the ground, her eyes scanning it as though it would help. "And three… Uhm… He's the best husband I could ever ask for. I don't think I'd want to be married to anyone else." She smiled a bit up at the Judge, whose expression was blank.

She had a strange feeling of déjà vu, and after trying to think why she realized this was exactly how she felt at the wedding, when she had given her speech. Everything was the same, except that they were facing certain death now, not a new marriage.

"That does not excuse him from burning down a whole boardwalk," Judge Mental said.

"He _tried _not to," she said.

"But he did."

"It won't happen again!"

"How do we know?" Judge Mental asked, his volume rising considerably, "That is exactly what you said last time, and look what happened!"

"But I pro--"

"Silence!" Lydia snapped her mouth shut, shrinking back a bit. Her grip tightened on Beetlejuice's hand, and she stepped closer to him. Judge Mental's voice echoed, and before it got completely silent, he continued, "You have ten seconds to give me _one_ reason why you shouldn't be thrown to the Sandworms, or it's bye-bye, Beetlejuice!"

Lydia panicked. This wasn't fair, Beetlejuice didn't deserve this! She couldn't just let him get eaten alive! She would tear herself limb-from-limb without him! Judge Mental counted down from ten at twice the speed he should have gone. In five seconds he was at 'one', and then he eagerly opened his mouth to order the sentence, but Beetlejuice suddenly spoke up.

"I've got it!" he announced, stepping forward. Judge Mental was too surprised to demand silence again, so Beetlejuice quickly continued. He swallowed. "I agree that I really screwed-up, more so than usual, but I _don't think _I should be thrown to the sandworms just for burning down a carnival. Because, despite what you seem to think, I'm not a serial killer. I'm not a criminal. I don't willingly put people in danger, I just rough 'em up a little bit!" His words flowed out faster than he knew what he was saying, but he continued. Nobody had interrupted him, yet. "I don't want to hurt anyone, I just like to have fun! And throwin' me to the Sandworms just for havin' fun _really _doesn't seem fair, if you ask me."

He paused, waiting in silence. Several different expressions passed over Judge Mental's face before finally settling on angry for the hundredth time. "No. That does not excuse you!" he said.

"And why not?" Lydia asked, "He's got a poi—"

"Silence, silence!" Judge Mental ordered, "Sandworms! Cuff him! Get him out of here!"

"No!" Lydia yelled angrily, "I'm not letting you take him! I love him, and if you take him awa—"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Judge Mental said, now looking confused, "Say that again?"

"I'm not letting you take him," Lydia growled. Beetlejuice smiled triumphantly, glancing at the Judge.

"No, the other thing!"

She thought about it for a moment, then said, "I love him…?"

"Yes, that!" Judge Mental said, then put one hand on his chin. "You _actually _love him?"

She nodded. "Well, yes. Of course," she mumbled, suddenly feeling bashful again.

"What's not to love?" Beetlejuice asked her quietly, tugging her closer.

Judge Mental looked flustered. He muttered something to himself, then replied to that mutter, then replied to his reply. He glanced at them. Lydia glanced at Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice glanced at the floor.

After what seemed like hours, Judge Mental stopped muttering. "Alright," he said, "Okay. I think… we can settle on something…" He turned towards them, and for once, he wasn't smirking.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Lydia stood outside the obscenely large doors of the jailhouse, her hands at her sides. She licked her lips nervously and began to pace, repeating to herself what she could say to him.

'I'm so glad to see you again. I missed you.'

'I love you.'

'There's lots of dust at home. I'd appreciate it if you could help me with it.'

All the usual things.

She sighed and looked up at the doors again, sticking the tip of her thumb in her mouth and biting the nail. A month of jail time, among many other small things, was all that Judge Mental had sentenced Beetlejuice to, although Lydia was not allowed to visit or talk to him the whole time, thus the month passed very slowly. Life at the Roadhouse was definitely not the same without him. She was sure he had handled it fine, and she had, too, but it was still awfully boring.

She turned around and faced the door, watching as Beetlejuice appeared in his old striped suit and pinkish shirt. She instantly forgot everything she was going to say and instead squealed loudly, jumping up and down. "Beej!" she cried, running over and lunging on him.

"Easy, babes," he said, but squeezed her back, anyway. "Hacking at rocks is, not only as boring as it seems, but also as unkind on the back muscles."

She pushed herself away. "Oh. Sorry," she said, then hugged him again. He lifted her off the ground. She kissed him on the cheek. "Ohhhh, Beetlejuice, I'm so happy to see you again! Gosh, it's been so boring without you!"

"Well, of course," he said, setting her on the ground. He grabbed her hand and began walking away from the jailhouse. She stayed close to him, all smiles and sunshine. "I _am_ the Ghost with the Most, after all."

She laughed and stepped in front of him, grabbing his tie and yanking him closer. "Yeah, but you're _my_ Ghost with the Most," she said, and kissed him.

He thought he'd been here before. Had this happened already?

Er, no. He realized this was extremely similar to their banter at the wedding, after he'd shoved cake in her face. What in the world had brought that on?

He shrugged it off, hugging her close.

And for once, everything felt _normal_ again.

Well, as normal as life with Beetlejuice could get.

-THE END-


	12. Epilogue

A/N: Well, this is it. This is the _actual_ end of the story. Gosh, it's weird that I've been able to actually finish this story, since whenever I've tried to before, I've given up.

In fact, I know 100 percent that I _definitely_ wouldn't have finished this if I hadn't had so many wonderful reviews/reviewers. I know everyone says that, but, goodness it's true:) I love all of you guys; you made me get up off my lazy butt (Or sit _down on it_ on it, if you will) and write this thing. -Blows kisses to you all-

I actually _do_ have a few ideas for a sequel to this thing, but if I did it, it probably wouldn't be for a while, since I've got so many other things I want to do (I've actually started a Donny-centric story XD).

Well, here it is – the epilogue!

Everything belongs to Tim Burton.

----------------------------------------------------------------

EPILOGUE

---------------

Lydia had to fight to keep the smile off her face.

The _clink_ing and _clatter_ingof silverware against nice china plates was a familiar sound in Beetlejuice's parents' house. Lydia had grown to be rather fond of the old house, since the past few Christmases and Thanksgivings had been spent here, right at this table. Remarkably, Beetlejuice's feelings did not change no matter how many times they returned, and they did a lot. In fact, nothing was that different since the first time she'd met Mr. and Mrs. Juice, save for his mother's increased happiness that her sons were visiting more often.

Donny was doing fine. As always, as if rehearsed and on cue, he would relate to his parents how his life was going. Most recently, he had been helping out orphaned children in a rather disaster-ridden part of the Neitherworld. Beetlejuice slipped in a sarcastic comment every time an opening showed itself, even if he and Lydia were the only two to hear it.

When they returned to the Roadhouse from the jailhouse it was a strange feeling, as if everything came crashing down around them as they stood in the doorway. Lydia showed him all the cleaning she'd done while he was gone, and home was not quite as depressing after that, when it was clean.

Beetlejuice easily made his bed big enough for both of them to fit in, and fixed up the room to look a little more girl-friendly, though Lydia could have cared less, and made it known. She had always liked his room exactly how it was – especially 'the big picture of her above his bed' she had told him with a laugh.

Things returned to normal quite quickly. Lydia and Beetlejuice didn't spend much time in the Roadhouse (Other than the month of house-arrest he'd been put under, in addition to the jail time). They were always out-and-about, exploring new places and occasionally playing pranks like rendering Poopsie bald, or turning Scuzzo a sickly shade of red or something. Although Lydia guessed Beetlejuice would never really get over the good old days. She was almost one-hundred percent sure he went off on his own to wreak some havoc when she wasn't around.

Much to Beetlejuice's disapproval, Lydia kept in touch with Donny quite a lot. He visited more often, always with 'fascinating' stories to tell and his ridiculous presents to give. Beetlejuice had taken to chiding his brother about not finding a girl yet, always in the funniest ways possible. As much as she hated to, Lydia was always laughing at his horrible jokes.

In fact, she was laughing at one now, as she sat at the table beside him, trying not to let it show. She shook her head and hid her giant smile behind her sweater-covered arm. When everything had settled down again, Mrs. Juice spoke up.

"Dessert, dear?" she asked, holding a large spatula with a slice of some unnerving-looking food on it above Lydia's plate. Lydia shook her head.

"No. As great as beetle upside-down cake sounds, I don't have much of an appetite," she said.

"Oh, that's right," said Mrs. Juice, continuing on to drop the slice on Beetlejuice's plate, "You've got that baby on the way and all, and--"

Beetlejuice suddenly began hissing and spitting, waving his hands about like a madman. "No!" he snapped, "Nobody says the b-word!"

Lydia giggled a little bit. "Now we have two b-words to be careful about?" she asked, turning towards him. He said nothing and began eating his cake.

"Oh, Junior, I don't see why you're making such a big deal about it," said his mother, sitting in her place again. "Being a daddy will be fun."

"Yeah, Beetlejuice, listen to mum," Donny said, a little teasingly. Beetlejuice just threw a chunk of cake at him. Lydia burst into giggles, narrowly dodging Donny's return-fire. Mrs. Juice looked rather flustered.

"Boys! Boys!" she said as Lydia laughed a little harder. Beetlejuice grabbed his glass of water and splashed it at his brother. Donny spit into his arm before their father banged on the table.

"Now, quiet down, boys!" he ordered. Beetlejuice tossed one last glare at Donny before begrudgingly returning to his cake. Lydia leaned back and settled herself into Beetlejuice's side, grabbing his nearest arm and wrapping it around her shoulders.

Mrs. Juice produced five little pieces of paper from thin air. She passed them around the table. Beetlejuice groaned angrily. "Moooom!" he said, "Do we really have to do this every year?"

"Now, Junior, you know how important this is to your mother. It only takes a few minutes," said Mr. Juice.

Even Lydia was a little confused by the annual 'What are you Thankful for?' ballad. Mrs. Juice would always pass around the little pieces of paper, and they would always write down the same things every year (except for her), and then they would pass them around randomly and whoever got the paper read it out loud. Poor Mrs. Juice never noticed, either. It was both amusing and sad.

Lydia started, obviously reading Donny's paper. "The fact that I can help needy people."

Beetlejuice was next. "My family and my job."

Then Donny. "Lyds."

Then Mr. Juice. "My wonderful family, food, and clean house."

And finally Mrs. Juice. "Beetlejuice, my friends, and the Roadhouse." She clapped her hands together. "Oh, how nice!" she said, the papers disappearing into thin air. Beetlejuice shook his head a little, glancing up at Donny, who was quietly eating his cake.

-------------------------------------------------

"Bye, mum. Bye, dad," Beetlejuice said, kissing his mother on the cheek and hugging his father. Lydia spent an annoyingly long time talking to Mrs. Juice before she was ready to leave.

"We'll see you on Christmas, okay?" she told them. Agreements were made, then Beetlejuice nearly carried Lydia out the door because she was still talking. Doomie waited, sleeping, in front of the house, alongside Donny's rather small, not-so-alive car. Lydia hugged Donny, bidding him farewell. "Send me a postcard," she said, climbing into the passengers' seat.

"Can do!" Donny said as he walked around Doomie to get to his own car. They parted ways, Doomie speeding along the road in the completely opposite direction of Donny's car.

Beetlejuice scooted over to Lydia, snuggling close to her. He sighed uncomfortably. "Well, maybe something good _will_ come from this ba… This… little… bundle… of joy…" he said through his teeth.

She smirked and looked up at him. "What's that, Beej?" she asked.

"Maybe we'll actually be able to spend some holidays _alone_," he said, "You know, _without_ the company of my parents?"

She laughed. "Oh, Beetlejuice," she said, "Come on, you can't say you're not at least a _little_ bit excited! I mean, come on, this is our _baby_ we're talking about!"

He cringed and made a rather troubled noise. "How can you say it so _casually_?" he asked loudly. She laughed again.

"Come on, BJ," she said, "Just say it." He glared at her. She grabbed one of his arms and wrapped it around her shoulders, then grabbed his other hand in both of hers. Smiling at him, she pressed it against her stomach.

He sighed, feeling a little bit awkward. He stared at his red-nailed hand, her little pale ones covering it. Even if it was weird, he couldn't convince himself that he didn't like the idea… In truth, he felt… well, a little bit excited. And she knew it. And it drove him crazy.

He blinked slowly, then smiled at her. "Fine," he said, "I'm excited for our… baby." He ground his teeth together as if 'baby' was the worst, most vile word he'd ever said.

She held his face between her hands, smiling fondly, and kissed him. "See? Not so hard!" she said.

"Easy for you to say, babes," he told her, "You're a girl, it's easier for girls to talk about weird stuff like babies and… and birth and other such… unpleasantries."

She leaned her head back and laughed loudly. "Oh, Beetlejuice…" She grabbed the lapels of his black-and-white suit, straightened it a little, then buried her head into his shirt, closing her eyes. He leaned his head back, resting it on the back of the seat. He ruffled her hair, then squeezed her close, closing his eyes. _Women_.

"Oh, Lydia…"


End file.
